Color Me W.O.W.

Candace - I keep asking myself, how are we going to pull this off?  Sadly, happiness from some comes with a price.  For us, in order to even have a remote chance of a family, we need to raise an obscene amount of money.  We are staring at a crossroads of two paths both ending at $35 K or greater in cost.  So, what did we do?  You guessed it, we got RAD. 

 

We start fundraising ... I contacted the folks at Color Me Rad.  This is such a unique 5K in the fact that it's not timed.  BONUS because I have lazy legs!  They also literally pelt you with dyed color bombs while you run.  You begin the race El Blanco, a blank canvas as white as snow, and at the end of the race, you will resemble something that Jerry Garcia would be proud of, a tie dyed masterpiece.  Seems like a digression, but we were able to use this RAD event to help raise money for our family building.  Who knew you could run for a while in the woods, get accosted with dyed cord starch, and raise money?!

 

For those scratching their heads wondering how are you going to afford your next procedure or how are you going to afford any family building activity in general?  I am here to say you can do it!  We are FAR from hitting our goal, but inch by inch, we are making it happen.  Here is how we did our fundraiser:

 

Step 1.  Rally a team

It took some harassment, but our people got with their people and their people got with their people and by the time everything was said and done, Team Color Me W.O.W. (Wishing on a Wohl) came out in droves ... to the tune of 88 people on our team, below is just a small portion of all who came to support us. Talk about being blessed.
 

 

Step 2.  Create a GoFundMe Sponsorship Site

If you ran on our team and got someone to sponsor you for $75, you got a Color Me W.O.W. shirt to run the race in and RADness glory, which is truly better than a t-shirt for sure.  We asked our team members to get sponsorship and were amazed by the kindness of folks, some of whom we never met and still don;t know who they are.  It turns out, RADness runs rampant, much to the contradiction of what's in the news.,

 

Step 3.  Weekly updates and RAD tips

Aside from a Facebook invite, we sent out weekly email updates, couch to 5K schedules, funny quips, and RAD things to do during the 5K.  We always thanked our fellow RAD-ites and encouraged them to keep seeking sponsorship.  It was a bit of a plug each week since we had a direct cut-and-paste in each e-mail that our teammates could use to get sponsors, but we thought our badgering was worth it in the long run.

 

Step 4.  Run the race

Chris will explain this one a little later...

 

So, what are some of those RAD things we suggested you ask?  Well allow me to explain.

 

RAD-Caso

During the run, you will be getting barraged with all of this dyed corn starch.  There is no reason that electric feeling of running through pink, purple, blue and orange clouds should be limited to just one morning.  how do you capture these moments forever?  You run with a blank canvas.  That way, the canvas can be a reminder of the psychedelic experience that you had.  No LSD required.  Candace ran the whole way with this canvas and we are going to preserve it and put it in our baby's room to bring RAD notions their way.  It's also a sentimental token of the RAD things we did to get him/her here.

 

Random Acts of RADness

Thanks to Kindness Girl, we got this great idea, but put the C&C spin on it.  In every Random Act of RADness, we put a touch card with our blog address, spread some awareness of "IF," how they can help us, and that we are looking to be parents so spread the word!  Here are some of the Random Acts of RADness we hand wrote:

 

RAD Coffee: Treat the next person in line at Starbucks to a Cup O' Joe

RAD Trash: Pull in your neighbor's trash can from the street

RAD Fur-babies: Drop off towels, dish soap, pet food, blankets, treats to your local Humane Society

RAD Mail: Leave a note in your mailbox thanking your mail man for all they do; rain, sleet, or snow

RAD Ding Dong: That's right, do a Ding-Dong-Ditch.  Drop off flowers just because at your bestie's house and dip!

RAD Cut: Mow your grandparents/elderly couples yard

 

 

Chris - Race Day:  It was freezing cold.  I mean, here we are, May, and it was something like 58 degrees out (Fahrenheit for our Celsius readers).  For North Dakota maybe that's not all that cold, for us though, that's cold.  Nonetheless, we were out in full force.  we were rockin' our Color me W.O.W. shirts, white shorts, white shoes ... we were ready to run our RAD butts off.  We all met at a part of the field away from the crowd sow e could rally the troops.  It was amazing to see all the people that had come in support of us 88!!  We moved to the start line and there were tons of runners.  We wedged our way into the next heat, and although we lost about half our group in the corralling, we knew they wouldn't be far behind.  Our start gun fired and we were off.  I would be exaggerating slightly if I said that all you could see was a blur and some dust behind us.  Okay, I would be exaggerating a lot.  The pace was ... how do I put this ... exceptionally slow.  We could have walked the whole thing.  But the point was to be RAD the whole time and we were that for sure.  With the W.O.W. flag that Candace's dad made for us in my hand, we took to the call of being RAD with all seriousness.


  What did we do?  We sang every song we could think of that we could substitute the word RAD in.  Favorites like "You put your RAD foot in, you take your RAD foot out" and "If you're RAD and you know it clap you hands."  We took requests from our fellow runners and even got a few people to sing along.  At one point, I had one of our niece's on my shoulders as we were going through a color bomb station so I could make sure they aimed all of the color at her.  I think our cheeks hurt more from smiling than our legs hurt from running.  After the finish line, we all went to the final color bomb station.  We all stood in a large square and waited for a countdown to unleash a color war on the sky.  It was an amazing experience.

  We had a RAD time with RAD peeps who were running with us for a RAD cause.  No better feeling than that!

  

We had an after party at our house where we raffled off a few RAD prizes.  Candace's aunt was in charge of selling raffle tickets and I am fairly certain she would have convinced people to mortgage their houses to buy raffle tickets if we let her. Even our friends from afar contributed. My dear friend who couldn't make the run, sells Thirty One, she donated this awesome bag to our RAD Raffle. Below are more pics below of our RAD crew at the race and at our after party.

 

 

 

 

Yes, that spells out W.O.W --Great idea Michelle!!

 

 

 

Chris amazes me, he only passed off the flag once. He ran the whole race with this flag in hand.

 

 

 

 

It takes a village we are pretty lucky ours is so damn RAD!  Thank you Thank you Thank you!

 

 

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No Womb for Mother's Day This Year...

 

Mother's Day is all about YOUR mom right? It is the 1 day out of the year that is specifically designated to spoil those "moms" in your life for putting up with your crap ever since you were brought into this world... by her no less. Literally, these are the women who changed your diaper, refrained from strangeling you when you were a smart mouthed teenager and who gave up countless hours of sleep through those young adult years. The problem is that I feel robbed. More so, I feel like my mom is robbed. All of the mother figures and friends who are mothers in my life, you are all victims of my affliction. I cannot enjoy this day with you like I once did. I cannot honor you like you should be honored. It is wrong, it is selfish, it is my infertility.

 

For those who have been following Chris and I, you know we embrace everything. It takes more energy to be negative and well, if you have a shit situation you make the best of it. I look forward to every holiday, and like events. Days where you can recognize the ones you love, BRING IT. However, instead of me being excited about what I will get for those mom-ladies in my life, I wait in line at Hallmark and pray I don't have a Tammy Faye mascara leakage episode while I pay for the 10 Mother's Day cards I just purchased. As I try to suppress that pity-storm brewing in my head, I wonder when I will get my card. It is bad enough my "IF" has consumed our lives, it is not fair it should outwardly affect those who I love around me. So I mentally slap myself to dig out of the deep dark place I am in, and I wrote down a Do and Don't list of surviving Mother's Day with an empty womb, like to hear it? Her it go'...

 

Don'ts

1. Don't stalk Facebook--UNPLUG! Hide your computer, and refrain from social apps on your phone. It is only for a day so don't get the electronic shakes or anything. It will be a cacophony of posts and pictures of babies, mothers with babies, moms with moms with babies, babies with generations of moms ... you get the point.  Just pretend it is 1920 and unplug.

 

2.  Don't sign yourself up for large family gatherings.  It is totally OK to regretfully decline.  Call in sick or blame the dog.  Instead plan some 1 on 1 time with the "moms" in your life.  Not to mention you won't have to wait 2 hours for your table on the Tuesday after Mother's Day.

 

3.  Don't search for the bottom of a wine bottle curled up under your bed alone or consider a "jumbo" glass of wine a bottle with a long straw in it.  Now it is totally OK even encouraged, to polish off a bottle or 3 with another infertile friend or your partner but don't isolate yourself. Being alone on a difficult day will make you feel even more alone.

 

4. Don't freak out on your husband for not buying you a Mother's Day card from the dog, cat or goldfish (guilty). Please try not to take it out on him, unless they have decided to play "extreme darts" a few weeks prior and have yet to patch up the holes in the door frame...eh hem CHRIS. I digress. You both hurt and want a family. Take this time to do an impromptu getaway. What is that? Broke from treatments/costs of family building options? Well how about a nice dinner-in at Le Chez Casa or a backyard camping trip, smores invited. Get creative!

 

DO

1. Do recognize those "Mom's" in your life. It is a painful day for you. At the end of the day you will be in pain and feel horribly guilty if you don't show the ones you love that you care. Here is the thing, you don't have to hire a skywriter or a dancing singing telegram but let them know you love them and remember them on this day. We ordered most of our gifts online!

 

2. Do pamper yourself. Yep, that's right. Treat yourself to something nice on Mother's Day after all many of us are mothers in heart, mothers in training or for many I know reading this right now, once mothers of now angels. You are just as deserving for all of the sacrifice you have been through to indulge just a little. Plus instead of dreading this day, you will have something to look forward to. The ol' bait and switch tactic.

 

3. Do reach out to other childless mothers. Infertility, miscarriage and child loss is an unfortunate sorority that all of us become members of when we realize that our path to a family is not a straight one. Get together, share stories, encourage one another that your tears are not wasted. A hug, card, or simple text will go a long way.

 

4. Do remain hopeful. You will be a mother, We are fighters, we are strong and we are determined. There is no force stronger than human will, male or female. If we decide to never stop trying and have faith that we will reach the end of our family building journey there is only one way to go... forward.

 

Cheers ladies and Happy Mother's Day to all those women that have children, whether in their house or their hearts!

Our Curveball

 

Candace-

Originally this post was going to be about our 1st adoption homestudy.  I was going to tell you about how I OCD scrubbed my house to the point where it looked like Mr. Clean made sweet love to it.  I was also going to bring up the fact that I spent way too much time scouring the web for that 'perfect' knock-your-socks-off recipe to make so that when the social worker tried that one epic bite she would be so incredibly blown away by my cooking prowess, she would just hand over the next baby to be adopted simply out of sheer gratitude from her taste buds' experience.  I was even going to tell you although I am not a school teacher, it looked like craft hour had vomited all over my house in a desperate attempt to decorate and give it that "crafty school teacher - man she is going to an awesome mom - vibe."  Don't judge me.  Whatever it takes, even if I may have staged our house a bit.  However, that is not how this post is going to go.  You see, infertility or just life in general is all about uncertainty and the unexpected. Tumultuous yes, but otherwise it would be boring right?

 

Why is it Facebook is a source of announcement anxiety?  For example, boy meets girl.  You go on a few dates with boy, then when you agree to change your status to "in a relationship" on Facebook, that's a big deal right?  same thing with pregnancy announcements as annoying as they may be for us who are riding the fertility pine.  When that person hits a home run, i.e., positive pregnancy sign, they wait cautiously 'til exactly the right time to make it official on Facebook.  Chris and I had the same sentiment with adoption.  We wanted to make it 'official.'  We typed it up and finally, after much delaying, hit 'post.'  Weight lifted, we are out of the closet per se.  We have closed the door on our treatments and opened the new door on adoption so we thought ... I got a message.  It was unexpected, out of the blue and conflicting with our plans.  Here is what it said:

 

Hey doll,

 

I just wanted to say that if you were interested in going the surrogate route that I have been one before and would carry for you if you are interested.

 

WHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTTT?  Wait a minute, someone pimp slap the crap out of me and tell me this is not a dream or I didn't just drink a bad batch of wine.  Someone (who I know) is willing to carry for me?  But wait, I am kinda dead smack in the middle of our adoption process, plus how the heck am I going to pay for surrogacy!  Ever stare down two paths and wonder if you will regret the path you may or may not take?

 

 

Chris

Head of household, that means whatever I say goes right?  Very chauvinistic of me I know, but there have been times when I was thinking, "Alright Chris, there is a tough decision that needs to be made and it is up to you to steer this boat."  Easy words to tell yourself but very difficult ones to execute.  When we got this information, at first I thought, OK here is another rabbit hole for us to run down all wide-eyed and ready for the world to embrace us in the ever elusive, good fortune, only to be run over by a dump truck.  I'm not falling for this as a possible path to starting a family!  It's too expensive right?  So, Candace brought it up again and we started to look into it some more.  After all, we had two frozen embryos left that we had no plans for and could not simply thaw and throw away (pesky morals).  After researching it some more, we thought maybe this was something we would do ... at some point.  But, I was not ready to put the brakes on adoption.  For those that know us or who have been reading our blog, you know that we were moving at the speed of sound towards completing our adoption application and home study process.  We can't stop now right?  So, that was my knee-jerk response.  No!  We are not going to drop our pursuit of adoption to go down yet another unknown road.  Maybe for child #2.  As with so many things though, there are a ton of variables to consider.  What if our surrogate decides that after the 2+ years that it would take for us to have our adopted child and be ready to go again she was no longer interested in being a gestational carrier for us?  What if it takes way longer for birth parents to select us than we expect?  What if the transfer of our embryos does not result in a successful pregnancy and we are even further behind financially for an adoption?  What if there are complications during the pregnancy and it becomes nearly impossible for us to pursue a second child through adoption?

 

One of my favorite poems is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.  To condense it, there are two paths and the author decides to take one path instead of the other and says, "And I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."  Candace and I do not know which road we will take but we are certain that the choice we make will have a profound impact on the future of our family building efforts.  Hopefully, we will be able to decide which path to take soon.  Until then, pray for us that regardless of the decision, there will be a child waiting for us at the end of the path.

The Light at the End of theTunnel

 

 

It is very easy to focus on the negative. It is even easier to get sucked into the negative vortex that is your infertility. No way possible we could glean anything positive from something that is consistent disappointment and a state of feeling like you are always the odd couple out. Well, I would like to say we have more positive that has come from this than negative. Shocked at that response? Yeah infertility sucks.  IT REALLY SUCKS! Since we have become "open" about our infertility Chris and I have met some pretty amazing people down what we thought was a lonely road for 2. Come to find out, we share this road with a lot of folks. Chris and I are the 1 in 8. 1 in 8 couples have difficulty conceiving.

 

To wrap up NIAW we wanted to share a story of hope. We met Brian and Casey during our beginning stages of adoption pursuits. Since then, they have not only been an encyclopedia of great inspiration, information and support, but have become great friends. So, Brian and Casey I'll pass this over to you... 

 

Brian and Casey's Story

Brian and I are thrilled to be friends with such awesome people as Candace and Chris and our honored to be a part of their blog and tell our story of infertility. 

 

I think you reach a breaking point. The point where your mind and body are tired of the routine of shots and pumped up hormones that you may realize infertility treatments just aren't for you anymore. See Brian and I purposely waited to start trying to have children until we were financially stable and capable of being responsible for another human life other than ourselves and our dogs.  A few years into our marriage we decided to start “trying” the conventional way (clear my throat). We were having a blast but month after month no positive pregnancy tests. We decided to seek out professional help via my female doctor. This is where it gets good, she didn't take the appropriate steps into finding out why we weren't getting pregnant. She just automatically assumed it was me and after a year and a half of checking my temperature and plotting points on a graph, pumping me full of diabetes medicine that is designed to help you ovulate, with still no positive pregnancy results she finally decided to check Brian. The thing is we didn't know any different. I just let her do what she thought was right.

I was upset when Brian's results came back positive for low sperm count because of all the wasted time, the time we could have spent on conceiving a child by other means. All I kept thinking was I could have had a baby by now.  We decided to start to educate ourselves. In that process we found a local infertility clinic to have some additional tests on Brian and I. We were very pleased with the people we were working with this time and felt very confident in their knowledge. We were especially pleased when our fertility doctor told us that it was for certain, a 99.9% chance,  that if we did in vitro fertilization we would get pregnant the first time since there was no female problem. “Wow!” we thought. A 99.9% is a good chance. We didn't have all our funds together for in vitro just yet and the doctor was still pretty confident with artificial insemination and since much cheaper we gave it a shot. Well three artificial  insemination's later and no positive pregnancy tests and we were ready to try in vitro.

In vitro is not a fun process. You are pumped full of high doses of hormones, poked and prodded at weekly appointments, and on the worst emotional roller coaster you could ever imagine. To top it all off I became a very challenging patient. The doctors were perplexed that through all the tests it was proven there was nothing wrong with me and yet was on the highest dose of hormones and medications and I was producing the amount of eggs that someone in their 40's would produce. They couldn't figure it out and at several appointments we were disappointed when the doctor would tell us we couldn't proceed with the in vitro because I didn't have enough eggs to extract and it wouldn't be worth it. After numerous tries I finally had enough eggs to proceed. We were very excited since we had been given such a high chance of conception, but quickly brought to reality with a negative blood pregnancy test. We knew we had one more time, financially, and this time we had a very enlightened sense of reality. We knew not to get our hopes up and we were right. Our doctor begged us to try again but we just weren't ready and decided to take a break.

I started to look into adoption. Several close friends at my work had adopted. I needed a light at the end of the very dark tunnel. Brian was skeptical because we lacked knowledge about adoption. We decided to visit one of my friends who adopted and asked them loads of questions. We gained so much information and inspiration just from talking with them. We spent a few months looking into different agencies and finally chose one in Richmond. Completed all classes and the home study then about 10 months after having an approved home study we got a call from our social worker. A beautiful baby girl had been born the night before at a hospital very close to us and the birth mom wanted us to adopt her. Now she is 6 months old and we are so happy to have the family we had always dreamed about. 

 

Now by no means do I want adoption to sound like all roses and dandelions because there are instances where you will think you have a match and it doesn't work out. Everyone, I believe, has there own light at the end of the tunnel. Ours was adoption and the end result is so worth everything you experience  through infertility.

 

 

That folks is a happy ending. Reaching out to others who have been in that SS. IF boat, rowing with those same ores that can offer the support you need to get through this. We will all have our 'Light at the End of The Tunnel'. Thank you B&C, Chris and I are so lucky to have you in our inner circle of support.

Join the Movement-NIAW

 

It's April. New Year's resolutions are long forgotten.  Rain and pollen are all that are going on outside.  What will you do with all your spare time?  Well, it's National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) and Resolve has been organizing this for the past 23 years.  In typical C & C fashion, we are going to embrace NIAW and "Joining the Movement" in our own ways ... enjoy the ride: 

 

Candace

Ever hear that song, "It takes two to make a thing go right?" {Insert awkward dance break}  Well, in the world of infertility, it takes you/your partner, a few nurses, an adoption agency, embryologists, a surrogate, several pharmacists, support groups, RESOLVE, and perhaps a loan office to make that baby thing go right.  To finally, after years of desperation, have a family.  The song is a little different for a couple with infertility.  Maybe something like, "It takes 23 to make a thing go right."  Not quite as romantic huh?

Without Chris darting me in my butt with a 1.5 inch syringe in a lone corner away from prying eyes in the middle of a wedding, I would not have even had the slightest chance at becoming a mother.  You see, it is more than just the woman; it is more than just the man.  It is the dreams they have, the hopes they share, the life they hope to create and nurture.  These are dreams that are, for many, yet to be realities.  Some people reading this right now will say, "Yep, I took a shot in a car outside a baby shower and afterwards cried my eyes out on the way home." You can relate.  For others, thank you for reading our stories, as this 'IF' world may be new to you.  You may have had your love, marriage, and baby carriage without much struggle, empty bank account, or a sore backside.  We think about what could be, but for those fortunate not to have lived in the 'IF' world, consider for a moment how different you would feel looking into your child's eyes knowing that it took umpteen years, tons of money, and countless tears to have that chance.

It takes more than two to make a thing go right.  It takes you to "Join the Movement."  It takes you to support that infertile couple on Mother's Day or Father's Day when they celebrate yet another year in childless hoping.  Ever thought of sending them a card simply saying, "Hey, I'm thinking of you."  Join the movement by getting involved with legislative activities.  Who knows, maybe you could help someone who is about to have chemotherapy have a chance at having insurance coverage to freeze their eggs or sperm so they can have a child one day.  If you are currently in the IF trenches with us.  Join the Movement by talking about it.  Blog, tweet, smoke signal, carrier pigeon, Morse code, you get the picture. I know it is easier said than done, but it is important to break the silence.  It's not like I wanted to talk to my in-laws about Chris's sperm count or my cervical mucus 6 years ago when we first started on our 'IF' path.  By breaking the silence we have found support through the IF community, comfort by learning of others who share similar situations, and strength by reading success stories of those that have kicked infertility's butt.  Get your butt-kickin' sneakers on and let's Join together.  In the world of 'IF,' it definitely takes more than 2 to make the family-thing go right.

 

Chris

Drawing on my steeped-in-science side, I am going to break down the theme into small parts to describe how we are Joining the Movement and how others can to.  So, the theme has 3 words: Join, The, and Movement.  The first is easy ... Join.  Simply put, it is the combination of two or more items together.  Like the infamous middle school heart necklace.  You know, you buy it and there are two pieces of a single heart.  You give one piece to your girlfriend and keep the other one so that when you are together, you can JOIN your pieces together.  Confess fellas, you bought one of these in the 5th grade for that someone special. Now for the second word ... The.  Although normally anything that is preceded with 'the' somehow takes on a huge and foreboding persona, for example 'The Sahara Desert,' 'The Empire State building,' 'The Final Frontier.'  This 'The Movement' though, is an incredibly easy thing to be a part of.  Final word ... Movement.  Sounds intimidating right.  Geesh, a Movement, there is no way I can have an impact on something like a Movement?!  Well, guess what, you are flat wrong.

Candace and I started blogging about everything that we were going through and everything we were learning because we felt like we were stumbling in the dark and wished that there was a hand, a distant source of light, or even a strange smell (not too strange though) that we could follow in some direction.  Once we started posting about our adventures, we were exposed to a community of other people battling infertility that were either fellow wanderers in the dark or, and thankfully so, they were those sources of light, inspiration, and hope that all of us desperately seek.  By simply posting a comment on a blog we wrote, they Joined the Movement.

One facet of the infertility community that is still largely in the dark, either by choice, environment, or simple tradition, is the male half of the infertility equation.  What!?  Isn't that half of the equation, the whole sperm meets egg thing?  Yep.  Be that as it may, there is a huge lack of discussion and a huge opportunity for this group to "Join the Movement."  Candace and I have received comments time and again that women have shared our blog posts with their boyfriends/husbands and that the male half could relate to what we talked about because we post from both the male and female perspective.  Like the discussion of walking around a fertility clinic with your freshly generated sperm sample, glorious DNA and all.

So, that is my rally cry for the 2013 NIAW.  If you are not in the picture, come on fellas ... Join the Movement.  If you are reaching out to console a couple with fertility issues and notice all of your attention gravitating to the female half of the equation, open your arms a little wider and embrace the male half to.  Besides, us fellas are the ones administering the billions of shots and there are very few things harder to do than give your significant other a painful huge intra-muscular injection while she is crying uncontrollably.  If you are a couple going through fertility treatments, be open with each other and discuss your feelings. You can "Join the Movement" simply by surviving the ride of infertility together.  The more of us that start the process, go through the fight, and come out the other side, hopefully stronger regardless of the outcome, the more there are to "Join the Movement."

 

If you would like to learn more about infertility and NIAW check these links out:

General information about infertility
National Infertility Awareness Week

Whose Your IVF Daddy?

Candace-When Aldous Huxley wrote and published A Brave New World in 1932, do you think Robert Edwards read this book? Better yet, do you think he even considered this as non-fiction? (It was a science fiction novel based on an altered future reality where all people were born by artificial means of reproductive technology, worked in a crazy tyrannical habitat, and were paid with a drug called Soma.) Really though? Create life outside of the human body? No way, not possible, it will never happen. The whole Soma-experience sounds interesting but not exactly the thing for us. What is next, that sparkly high-tech teleportation device from Star Trek? - Chris interjection, they have actually been able to 'teleport' really small bits of matter- Enter Dr. Robert Edwards into the picture ... known as a feisty British embryologist who fundamentally changed the lives of millions (5 million babies) roughly. Because of him and his sidekick Dr. Patrick Steptoe, couples who have never had the chance of becoming parents are able to have dream of a biological child via In-Vitro Fertilization, aka IVF. He was the architect of the process of fertilizing an egg outside of the womb and putting it back in to create life. The first miracle baby was born from this new hope-inspiring breakthrough, was Louise Joy Brown, on July 25th 1978.

There is a lot of light shed on Louise, the first IVF baby, but can you imagine being her mother? You already feel like a science project gone wrong during an IVF cycle.  30+ years ago there was this unknown shot in the dark, a small chance that this hopeful mother was willing to take. It must have been one of those WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? kinda moments. I imagine her conversation with Dr. Edwards was a little like this "Mrs. Brown, we are going to do some crazy shit to your hormones, deem you the first and original deity of the stirrups, remove your eggs with some medieval torture device looking tools, and then we will play some Sinatra in a lab for a few days and put back the results. Please try to relax and enjoy the process".  -Side thought, I wonder what Mr. Ultrasound Wand looked like in the late 70's. Remember how big calculators were? I shutter at the thought.

 

For some reason the term "test-tube baby" came on the scene. PS, for those "non-infertiles" out there this is not an accurate term to use. I will let the scientist handle this one .. Chris care to enlighten us on this subject?

 

Chris- As a proud owner of test-tubes and another unique bit of apparatus, the petri dish, I can only speculate as to why the term "test-tube baby" would be offensive to all of us in the infertility trenches. First, it is not accurate. The fertilization and cell division/embryo growth happens in a petri dish. The problem with this though, is the petri dish does not look as 'lab-like' as a test tube does. If you have ever watched The Muppet's (and if you haven't go do it now!) you will know that one of my hero's Prof. Bunson Honeydew and his lab assistant Beaker, never gave into a petri dish. There will be all sorts of bubbling, boiling, smoky things in their lab, but a petri dish is never one of them. Second, there is opposition to IVF from a number of different factions in society. There are claims that it is playing God, that it is not natural and blah blah blah you shouldn't do it. So, I suppose for those of us pursuing family building with IVF, called the result of a successful delivery (a true miracle and something to be overjoyed about) a "test-tube baby" re-emphasizes the fact that this child was technically conceived by artificial means. How about we call these children "miracle children," "answered prayers," or maybe just children instead of trying to identify why they would be considered different that children born the "normal way". And Chris steps off his soap box... 

So to you, Sir Robert Edwards (kudos on getting knighted by the way. Do they do that for blogging? Sorry, digression), we remember you, your amazing vision, and ability to pioneer a technique that has given hope to so many people and answered so many prayers! We hope to have another Sir Edward come onto the field and close the loop on those out there with the unexplained IVF failures very soon.

 

Get Physical for Adoption

 

Candace and I learned this, sometimes it is okay to lie. I know what you are thinking. "What? Aren't you trying to prove that you are upstanding people, ready to adopt a child? And now you are blogging about lying? I wouldn't trust you with a popsicle in a freezer!" Hold on folks, let me explain. Follow me, back in time to the peak of flu season...

 

 

 

Candace and I just got our paperwork, hooray! We can start taking inky steps towards adoption. Well, as we went through the paperwork, we saw that we needed to complete a few medical tasks:

•  Physicals
• Skin Tuberculosis Test
• 10 Panel Drug Screening Tests

No problem (or so we thought), we have a family doctor we could do this through. Candace and I didn't want to wait though. We marched posthaste to a Patients First -on recommendation of our adoption agency mind you- , to a 'doc-in-a-box place, to get our testing started. I, being overburdened with a sense of honesty, told the folks there we indeed had a family doctor. After already waiting over an hour, we were told sorry No-Can-Do. Slightly dejected and definitely frustrated Candace and I left with our sights on going to our family doctor the next morning. Out of desperation we checked in at sick call and again got the Ol' "sorry we can not see you today, but we can see you July 14, 2018". Ok, maybe that was a slight exaggeration but it was going to be a long time till they could fit us in. We had deadlines to meet and waiting any longer was not in the cards.

 

I offered to bribe them with a crisp Washington **wink wink**, oddly that did not work. What were we suppose to do now? Here is where deceit enters the story. The folks at our doctor's office suggested we go to a Patients First. (mental slap the nurse). After we told them about our last adventure, they said we did not need to necessarily divulge our family doctor situation. Hint taken, and were gone with a poof of dust left where we were standing. We couldn't go back to the same Patients First office we had just been to, of course the closest one to our house. So, we went to the next closest one, about 40 minutes away. We strolled in, cool, acting nonchalant, it wasn't like we were getting ready to be dishonest or anything right? Wheezing, coughing, flu-infested individuals everywhere. The place was packed and looked like as close to the start of a zombie apocalypse as it could. We got to the question about having a family doctor, hesitated and entered 'No'. I lied! There, I confessed it! It feels good to get that off my chest. This was still just the beginning of our adventure though.

 

Only having to wait 2 hours to go back to get our exams (we will cut them some slack, zombies apocalypse, flu season-) filled to capacity.  When we get back, we find out that they cannot do the physical and skin TB test on the same day as the drug screening.  This meant on day 1 (my birthday by the way), we could get our physical and have the sub-q injection for the TB test. Day 2, we went back for the drug screening, and on day 3, they read the TB test. That's right we got to drive 40 minutes each way, 3 days in a row, to a flu-riddled Patients First office all in the name of adopting a child. Candace was on me constantly about using that dumb hand sanitizer. Thanks Candace, that probably had a lot to do with us not getting sick.

 

Cost for physicals, TB test, and drug screening: $500.00

Fuel cost driving back and forth to the doctor's offices: $45.00

Hand sanitizer, that saved the spread of the zombie outbreak: 1.99

 

Doing all that you can to get your adoption paperwork completed in record time: PRICELESS

An Un-Due Date

 

Today is my un-due date. Anyone care to take a guess what that is?  I have had a lot of these but I think the last few have been progressively harder for me. You see, 9 months ago I sat in a waiting room at our fertility clinic waiting for my AM rendezvous with Mr. Ultrasound Wand {insert wolf whistle}.You tend to wait a lot when you are riding pine in the game of baby making. The waiting room is well, true to it's name. A room where you waste countless hours of your life away. That's where I met 2 amazing women. We were cycling at the same time and happened to get to know each other and share our fertility woes. These were women just like me! Taking crazy shots, flipping out on their spouses, and wanting to put together the last missing puzzle piece in their marriage, which was a baby. So our baby marathons opened up the door for great conversations and support. The 2 ladies had their transfers 2 days apart from me. The result... both tested positive with twins no less 2 weeks later. I was the 1 out of 3. Effing my luck, I am the last woman standing; and it's a pretty lonely place. I still keep up with with both of them, one is local and we have kept in touch throughout her pregnancy. She just gave birth to two beautiful girls this weekend, the other fertility soldier delivered her twins last week. Amazing. I hate the fact that I have a hard time getting excited about XYZ who tried for a month to get pregnant. It's a miracle of course but not noteworthy. As for my fellow sisters who sat in the clinic day after day, paid their life savings, possibly robbed a bank and shed many tears in between, well sorry I am cheering for the under dogs here.

 

Today though, I would have been a mother. Just like I had an un-due date the other 4 cycles before it. It is like Ground Hogs Day, I just hit reset every morning. It's hard to explain, but even though you know that round just simply wasn't meant to be, you hold on just for a moment for what would have or could have been. So today on my un-due date, I sit with my half empty glass of wine and and try to suppress those thoughts of me yelling at Chris to drive faster to the hospital, taking bets if Chris would cry when he saw our baby for the first time, and what he/she would have looked like when they were placed in my arms. Instead, we press on. I push through the nasty emotional darts that get thrown at me unexpectedly, and I morn those 2 embryos that we did not get to meet.

 

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering" -Paulo Coelho

A Blacked Out Easter

We were sitting in our church's first service today and series of events happened that, after the service was over, Candace and I agreed, parallel the struggles with infertility. I know that is kind of vague but hopefully it will make more sense as you keep reading. So, the church put on an awesome performance for the worship part of the service; raining down holy water from the rafters, fireworks, laser light shows. Ok just kidding about that, but it was epic to say the least. The pastor had just gotten up to start his message. First, the screens went out and then, all of the lights went out. After some scrambling around, the folks behind the scenes cobbled together enough lights for our pastor to finish his message and for all of us to exit safely. Apparently someone decided to play Mario cart with a power pole outside of the church. In spite of all of that, it was still an awesome service and it was even more amazing to see how jam packed the church was, again Easter and all!

 

So, what on Earth does all of this have to do with infertility? Well, like many people at the beginning of our journey, Candace and I did not feel like there was many around us that we could talk with or relate our problems to...kind of like being in a room full of people we didn't know which is what our service was like this morning. Also, going through all of these fertility treatments and taking all of these medications, we often felt like we were in the dark about what to do and what the purpose of all of the medications and procedures were, also like today when the power went out.  Finally, call it faith, stubbornness, or whatever, we have stuck with trying to start a family despite all of the setbacks and unexpected obstacles just like our pastor did today. The incredible thing, nearly everyone in the room stayed for the entire service. Call me crazy but I KNOW somehow, someway, Candace and I will beat the living socks out of infertility and have our family just like we stayed through the service and saw it to the end.  Happy Easter everyone!  Have Hope, Keep Faith, and Believe!

Pancit Palooza

 

Candace: Chris and I are desperate. We want to have a family so badly and will literally hulk style move mountains to achieve this. Since science did not work out for us, we are back at square 1. We are also peering into a bank account long over-drafted from countless surgeries, procedures and medications. Will that stop us? Nope, we fund raise. (Keep reading, there is no sales pitch here...we promise).

 

Groveling, Sure! Standing on the corner? Yep, I will wear a coat. Become a lady of the night...I want a baby, but maybe that's a little to far. Chris and I made baby bottles.  We taped a card with a small snippet of our story to a baby bottle and begged local businesses to let us leave it on their counter. I got a lot of NO'S. It's a bad economy, I get it. As my muse, I had a friend in college who lived by this quote: If I ask a 100 people to help, at least one person will say yes, it's just statistics. (That's the clean version, the original had to do with how his night would end. Nuf' said) Also, being in sales I can handle rejection. We found 2 businesses that said YES! Not only did one say yes, they offered to host a day where they would give us 10% if their sales. They must have noticed my Filipino mojo emanating because after all of the NOs we got, not only was our baby bottle front and center on the counter, they would let us host a fundraiser at their restaurant. Awesome, now how do we go about it? I printed fliers, tweeted, FB, carrier pigeoned, guilted, whatever it took to get folks to show up. It wasn't too hard because who doesn't like Filipino food? I am right? AND the folks at Totoy's bring great pride for all who fly the Filipino flag, we frequented there many times before so this was just icing on the hopeful baby cake.



 

 

Chris: We begged Lynn to us come in the Friday before our Pancit-Palooza to help with prep. She said that they had everything under control. -As an aside, Lynn and her husband have a remarkable family dynamic with their children who work as a unified front in the restaurant. Candace and I hope to have that kind of relationship with our children.- Back to Pancit Palooza. Saturday rolled around and Candace and I showed up first thing. We walked in ready to do anything to show the Totoy's crew how much we appreciated the generosity. I decided to man the steam table and Candace went out to interact with everyone that came in. Let's just say that although I have been around the Filipino food block, I was introduced to a ton of food I never tasted before and it was all amazing. Now, I needed to sell it.

 

We hoped for a good showing and our family and friends didn't disappoint. Shortly after 11 we had the place nearly bursting. Good food, yes. Great cause, of course! We brought our shirts that we are selling in our Etsy shop to the event and Candace was peddling those as well.

 

 

We were overwhelmed with how many people showed up!

 

 

Before we knew it, lunch was nearly over and we though we had seen just about everyone that had said they would come. We were wrong! Little did we know Candace's brothers were standing on the corner with a sign yelling full throttle, at cars to go to the restaurant. They were singing, dancing, and doing everything they could to get people to eat there. It was cold to! Top that. These guys stood out in the cold for hours, shouting at people to eat at Totoys, all to help us. We were incredibly touched and Candace lost a bit of mascara due to an emotional eye leak.

 

 

Best brothers ever!

 

 

Direct quote: "Try the fried rice ... it's really nice!  Try the lo-mein, it's insane!"

PS My dad (Candace's) made the sign, he rocks!

 

 

Dinner came fast and we saw another rush of people. Our friends and family showed up in a huge way, people came from over 50 miles away. As dinner started to wind down, Lynn started looking at the sales for the day. Pancit Palooza was a huge success!! We fed everyone, felt great that so many people show us Filipino love, and were able to raise money for our family building adventure! We thanked Lynn and her family for a great experience, helped clean everything that we could, and went home. I don't think we got both feet in the front door before we fell asleep, overwhelmed with the generosity of friends, family and total strangers!

 

C&C with our new Totoys Family