From C & C:
Here's what we knew before our last IVF round: if it failed, we were going to adopt. (Crazy interjection, we actually had conversations about adoption when we first started dating. Candace's mom and aunt were both adopted. Kind of a pay-it-forward thing for her grandma who was the type of lady that left an impression on you that you can never forget.) Sounds like an easy enough decision right? For as sure as we were, when the time to face the reality that his IVF round failed, it was not an easy decision to make. There were a ton of things to consider. Do we keep throwing money and our precious time down a barren hole of fertility procedures? Should we just hang it up and accept the fact we will be a childless couple? Or, do we open up our eyes to other paths to parenthood? Candace was angry, a new emotional response for her. Chris felt sorrow, also new for him. We felt as though we have been dealt an unfair hand.
We started out our marriage together facing an uphill climb as Chris battled his brain tumor and fought to live. Looking back, that struggle brought us closer as a couple. When Candace watched him walk for the first time again after being in the ICU for a week, she knew God had been there for each of those steps (although at the time she didn't understand or much care for the path he had bestowed upon us). That is when we truly realized how incredible important it was to have a family. What if something happened to either of us? The other would be alone and childless. At that point of realization, we aggressively started on our fertility path ... one failure after another.
After our 5th IVF failure, we started looking into other options, paths, and we soul searched for clues that maybe we were fighting a cause that wasn't meant for us. We knew we would be parents, just maybe not how we envisioned it. So we went to conferences, read books, and scoured the web on alternate paths to parenthood. For some reason the word REGRET kept running through our minds. We knew if we didn't give it one last try with IVF, we would always look back and ask those haunting "what if" questions. Even though the writing was all over the wall in front of us, like a ginormous billboard. Also, with those remaining frozen embryos, we felt like we owed it to them to give it one last go. So, we went for, and failed at IVF #6.
For those following us, you already know, our response from that. Dark, spooky, not our proudest moments.
So now what? In true C&C style we dusted ourselves off, climbed out of our despair hole and that same day, we scheduled a meeting with 2 separate adoption agencies. That's right ... We Are Adopting! It will be a long process. A personally probing process as well. That's fine because Candace is very familiar with the other type, the fertility type, of probing (see her goodbye letter to Mr. Ultrasound Wand).