Sunday, January 5, 2014

Where do we go From Here?


 For so long I would try to imagine how the day would play out when I would drop the “ Hey, we are expecting baby bomb” to the world. I never thought it would be 7 years later, and I really did not think it would be through a blog that we talk so openly about my ladybits and Chris's swim team.  Seriously folks the blog love, emails, and messages, OH MY! They have been encouraging and such an inspiration to us. Now that the secret is out we can do some catching up.  Over the next few posts we will tackle head on those questions and comments that have been flowing in, but for now we wanted to touch on something that is incredibly important to us, the direction of our blog.
 
Perhaps you are curious as to the future of Our Misconception blog?  Maybe you are wondering if our posts will start to become less frequent and dormant as some IF blogs tend to do now that we have a bun in her oven? Will I drone on ad nauseum about how her pregnancy and hearing the first heartbeat has wiped away all the pain of the past 7 years in one swift pass of the Doppler monitor?  Will we post incessant pictures of ultrasounds with clipart bows and smiley faces followed by dancing unicorns with rainbow tutus?
 
Our blog is our journey and our passion. OurMis blog will continue to tell the tale of our surrogacy and talk about all things infertility. For certain, we will share our antics as we move through the wild world of alternative family building. Hmm ... those words “alternative family building.” such a strange title to assign, but at the end of the day we are not building our family like most couples do.  I will be a mom, Chris will be a dad, those words are so raw and foreign.
 
For those who have followed us since Our 1st Misconception post, our direction will be aiming at the details of “alternative family building” through surrogacy.  We have also noticed very quickly that even though we have a bun in the oven, the dark mark of my inability to carry has become ever present.  The comments, the situations and plenty of bullshit things we did not quite expect happen in every day common scenarios. I am not na├»ve to think we would be free from those shackles, but I am surprised they are still ever present. 
 
 We will not ever forget this pain of infertility, it is our tattoo and it will not wash off no matter how hard we try. The cold hard truth is I will always be infertile. I will not bare a child from my womb. Especially that, well I kinda no longer have one for starters but more on that in future posts. We have life growing in another person.  I am brought to tears every time I think that if our prayers our answered, 2014 will be when I will hold my child for the first time. I also look down and notice I have vacancy in my abdomen.  We are expecting right? But I am obviously not pregnant. Am I not ungrateful, no thank you's or the hours spent on my knees in prayer can fill the cup of appreciation I have any more than it already is. I am also human and a woman whose body has failed her. 
 
With all that, here is the direction of our blog.  We will continue to discuss all things infertility.  We will continue to follow developments in national and international policy on adoption, IVF etc.  We will talk about our surrogacy as it relates to issues we face or those around us face arising from the scars of IF.  We will continue to support those seeking alternative treatments to improve fertility and continue to honor those that have suffered from miscarriage or infant loss.  In short, we plan to continue to share what we know and are learning and hope to right the many misconceptions that exist about infertility.  Are you ready 2014?  We are ready for you!

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9 comments:

  1. I'm glad to hear that you still plan to continue blogging! Happy New year.

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    1. Thanks Dreaming of Dimples and great blog BTW! We are looking forward to hearing updates on your latest efforts TTC.

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  2. I for one am excited to read how things unfold throughout the pregnancy. I'm sure there will be a lot of highs (heartbeat! baby!) but surely there will still be obstacles or moments when things just don't feel wonderful because it's not you that is pregnant. And I want to hear about it ALL.

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    1. Don't worry Fox, we plan to keep everyone updated on the progress of our little Jelly bean. We just wanted to make sure that everyone knew that first and foremost, we plan to stand true to advocating for all things that will help us (all of us) kick the crap out of IF!

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  3. Hey there Candace. First and foremost, congratulations on your upcoming adventures in parenthood! I'm positive you have so many questions and will be consumed in that new journey. We have been so excited to hear this ending of this story. I just wanted to let you know my predictions for your future and my two cents as this is a blog, open to the public and thus public opinion. As I say at school when I share things..."You may use it or lose it".

    I would encourage you to not think of yourself as an alternative. I know that your path wasn't conventional but as a teacher I see so many unconventional families, blended in so many different ways that at the end of the day the reality is just that your baby is going to have two very loving people in a successful household. Your baby will not be alternative...you baby will be yours and what a blessing is it to have finally reached this culminating point. I am adopted as a result of a mother who could not have children and I would dare say that we consider our journey an alternative one. She is no less my mother than if she would have actually birthed me. She is a grandmother to my son and was 5 feet away when I gave birth. I have actually closely monitored her reactions to all of this journey to witness any signs of pain that she didn't actually give birth herself and couldn't help with those questions...but the reality is that perhaps she accepted this situation a long time ago and is just thankful she was able to have a daughter. Every Christmas, every birthday, every wrecked car and bad decision, our story developed just as any other family in any other way. I had the added benefit of talking with my birth parents and gained a sister and brother in my early twenties...just adding more to the love and "alternative" family. haha!

    Few families are conventional. Few families are the story-book, picture perfect vision of the American dream. I know your journey has been unspeakably painful and you've been amazing at sharing all the realities. I pray that this blog will help raise awareness and help others find alternatives to their path to parenthood. That being said, I pray for emotional healing for you. I pray for emotional healing for those who have experienced your unconventional path. I pray that others find solace in knowing they're not alone through your enjoyable, and witty banter. Lastly, I pray that you someday look back at your family and think of it has conventional and without label. I look forward to hearing about how you heal and it would be wonderful to see this journey come full circle and give hope. God bless you and Chris and your new son/daughter.

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    1. Hey Tab, thank you so much for your perspective and it is incredibly encouraging to hear that your relationship with your mother is and has never been considered by both of you anything less than conventional. We work so hard to stand out, to be unique, to be different. It is ironic that, when we are faced with the usual not working, we are so prone to be envious of it. From what you wrote, it seems that in the end, we are all after the same thing, a loving family and a close relationship with those we call mom and dad and those that call us the same. Maybe chasing after this 'common' goal isn't so strange or 'unconventional' after all.

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  4. What a great post! I did wonder where your blog would go...and I'm happy that you will still be an advocate (Truly I had no doubts about it, but it's nice to hear!) I am SO beyond happy for you and Chris and your miracle baby that's on the way!

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    1. Thank you for your comment Kristy. We don't want to downplay our utter joy, endless excitement, and growing anxiety with the fact that we are finally going to be parents and don't have a clue how to do it. We are MEGA excited and want to share everything about it that will inspire others to continue striving for the goal of adding to their family. That being said, we want to continue to keep the diversity of our blog topics as broad as possible to hopefully hit on things that are relevant to all topics IF related. Thank you for following us and the kind wishes!

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  5. Congratulations on the great joy of a baby on the way, Candace... even greater for how hard you worked to get here! We're putting together stories of infertility over on How Do You Do It? for Infertility Awareness Week April 20-26 and we'd love to have you participate in whatever way feels right!

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