tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83611874312934439412024-02-07T14:13:19.702-05:00Our MisconceptionMisadventure on our epic journey for a family. Seeing the world through the eyes of infervilty, from both sides.Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.comBlogger144125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-22835100900646715372014-10-16T13:30:00.000-04:002014-10-16T13:32:04.801-04:00Charlie's Story<br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As we continue with our October Pregnancy and Infant Loss series, I happen to have come across an extraordinary woman, Charlie's mom. Carrie-Ann is an inspiration to so many because not only is she creating awareness for miscarriage and loss, but she is also bringing more attention to Potter's Syndrome. She has broken the silence in a big way, but she has also found away to help others through his memory. Read on to learn about Charlie's story.</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Charlie Arthur Curtis. What can I say about
my son who only lived for 19 minutes? Before he was born he changed so many
people’s lives and even after his death he is continuing to do so.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">My name is Carrie-Ann Curtis and in
September 2012 I discovered I was pregnant. I believed I was approximately
around 8 weeks, when in fact I had been pregnant for 18 weeks and I was totally
unaware. I would be a single parent, at just 19 years old, and completely
inexperienced, but I didn’t care. I knew my baby would be loved and cared for.
I had a wonderful home and things were looking good. I waited for my first scan
appointment and I actually began planning my future. As the scan date arrived I
headed to the hospital with my mum, we talked and laughed at what lay ahead,
what we were going buy, and although I did feel a little nervous, I was excited
to find out when my baby was due. As the scan started I couldn’t really see
much, but as the Nurse turned and said I was in fact 18 weeks instead of 8. I
was completely shocked and unfortunately that was just the beginning of my
nightmare.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">It is one of the most horrendous
experiences that no parent should ever have to go through. The nurse explained
that I was approximately 18 weeks, but there was a complication, and she needed
to discuss with a doctor. I had no idea what to think and neither did my mum.
The nurse returned and explained that there didn’t appear to be enough fluid
around the baby and we needed to speak to someone else. By now I was terrified,
I had no idea what to think, or what this all meant. As awaited 3 more staff
entered the room and immediately said ‘We are sorry’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They then explained that they were unable to
see any kidneys on the scan and at this point of time the fluid was too low to
know any more. I didn’t understand anything they meant, or what to say, they
explained that there was nothing that could be done and it was highly unlikely
I would still be pregnant by the next week. The doctors explained that I could
wait and see if I miscarried or they would refer me to discuss an abortion. I
knew instantly that I would not be aborting my child. As there was no more
information available at this time I was told to return in week’s times for
another appointment. The thought that I might lose my baby so quickly was
devastating, and I has no idea what to think. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The following week went so slowly. I was
scared to move or do anything that might reduce my baby’s chances of survival.
I was confused as to what was wrong, I honestly didn’t know what lay ahead, but
tried to remain optimistic that everything would work out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span lang="EN-GB">Arriving at the hospital for the next
appointment I hoped to find out what was wrong with my baby, what the hospital could
do and what options I had. The doctor explained that they think my baby had
something called ‘Potters Syndrome’; </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;">they explained that ‘Potters’ affects the
kidneys and babies with ‘Potters’ either have 1 or no kidneys at all. Meaning they
can’t pass urine, and it’s the urine that creates the essential amniotic fluid
that assists the development of the lungs. The doctor explained that without
this fluid the lungs would become dry, causing certain death, and pushed for me
to abort. I refused again, I was told all they could do was monitor me by way
of scans but should remain prepared for the likelihood that the scans will only
show that my baby has died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With lack of
fluid I would find it difficult to feel movement, but I was determined not to
give up on my child. I asked about the sex of the baby, but due to lack of
fluid they said it was difficult to say, however most ‘Potters’ babies are
boys, and due to his strong heartbeat we decided he most likely was. Over the
following months I researched continuously about ‘Potters Syndrome’ and found
that within the last 30 years no child with ‘Potters’ had survived. However
this never deterred me. My baby could be the first, and while my child still
had a heartbeat I would fight for him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Each week as scans continued and my due date
grew nearer, the stress was beginning to take its toll. My friends, who I
thought I could rely on, made a run for the doors. I guess they didn’t
understand. My pregnancy wasn’t like most, I didn’t have the excitement of
going shopping, choosing pushchairs and clothes, I couldn’t do all of the things
that expectant parents do. I couldn’t do any of those things because I didn’t
know if my baby would live or die. I eventually decided to buy a couple of outfits;
even if my baby died I wanted to dress him and I eventually decided on the name
Charlie Arthur Curtis. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I often felt that doctors had given up on Charlie;
as if he wouldn’t survive therefore he was unimportant. We constantly asked for
intervention, explaining we had researched possible procedures on the internet
that could help, but they always said no. Doctors always seemed surprised I had
made it to 32 weeks, but I never was, my Charlie was a fighter and sometimes
was stronger than me, I often felt a little kick whilst feeling low. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Suddenly on the 25<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> of December
2012 I started have funny pains uncomfortable pains. I wasn’t sure if it was
labour and the hospital were unsure to. It was rare for any ‘Potters’ baby to
reach 32 weeks and on the 27<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> December they decided to keep me in
hospital where a cot was reserved in the neonatal ward just in case Charlie
needed it. Due to everyone being unsure, and to take precautions, a team was
put in place from the neonatal unit to provide immediate care for Charlie after
he was born. However they cautioned me that a still birth was highly probable.
The following day I was moved to the labour ward, full of expectant mums and
new parents I was overwhelmed. I found seeing all the healthy babies and happy
parents upsetting and at the time found it to be inconsiderate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">After several hours I was due to go home but as
the pain got worse it was confirmed, I was in fact in labour,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was 8cm dilated and wasn’t going anywhere.
I was rushed back to the labour ward to once again be surrounded by mums having
healthy babies. I prayed my son was fighter and he nor I where ready to give
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>7 hours later Charlie was born,
breathing and fighting, and I never stopped praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after 15 minutes of the doctors fighting
to save him I was told there was nothing else they could do. The doctors passed
my son to me so I could hold him during his last few minutes. Holding my son
for the first time was amazing, I looked at him and all the love and emotion of
the last 4 months came pouring out. He opened his bright blue eyes and looked
straight into mine, then they closed and he was gone. Charlie only lived for 19
minutes. That day was a blur, I had a son, I was a mother, but I couldn’t feed
him or interact with him on a level like most new mothers. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">We were moved to a bereavement suite where I
could spend some time with my son, I could have him by my side, I could touch
him change him and dress him into a his baby grow, but this was at the end of
the labour ward and in order to leave I would have to walk past the mum’s in
labour, and see newborn babies. I felt trapped. Having spent 3 days with
Charlie I had to leave hospital, I needed to organize a funeral, arrangements
to be made; everything just seemed such hard work. Getting proper information
of what I was meant to do, where Charlie would be whilst I went home, all added
up and made me feel like I was starting a new battle. Was this just happening
to me or where other bereaved parents having the same problems. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Losing my son was the most painful thing I
have ever had to do.; I needed support, not just from family, but from
professionals. Eventually even this became hard. I had to fight to see a
midwife or a GP; it was almost as if they didn’t feel I needed help, I couldn’t
take my son home therefore I didn’t need any assistance. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Things need to change, and fast. Research
became my thing . I contacted other bereaved parents through social media and
found I was not an isolated case. 32,000 bereaved parents are waiting for
bereavements counselling within Leeds alone, 500.000 across the entire country.
Having talked with my family we felt a bereavement centre was needed. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This centre would allow bereaved parents to
access counselling and support immediately and give them the opportunity to speak
to someone day or night. Because of this<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 105%; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Charlies-Angel-centre.org.uk <o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Was born. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Having set up Charlies-Angel-Centre the
response has been overwhelming, we have 1000’s of people getting in touch with
their story’s through social media such as Twitter and Facebook, and after
setting up the website we received an influx of emails from hundreds of people
showing their support. We campaigned for change within Leeds NHS for better
bereavement services and we continue to do so today. I have done multiple
interviews and will continue to do so until we succeed in making a change. We
have pushed for a review of services in Leeds and the Leeds CCG are currently
reviewing their services. We are continuously fundraising for our charity, with
the hope of opening a bereavement centre in the future. So far we have risen
over £4000 pound. My son only had a short life, but in that time he taught me
and my family so much. Charlie has and will continue to make a difference to
the 1000’s of bereaved parents and families out there, who like me, have
suffered in silence. Change is happening and it’s happening soon. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">It doesn’t matter how small footprints are they
can make a big imprint across the world. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="http://www.charlies-angel-centre.org.uk/"><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">www.Charlies-Angel-Centre.org.uk</span></span></a></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/CharliesAngelCentre?ref=hl"><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">https://www.facebook.com/CharliesAngelCentre?ref=hl</span></span></a></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB"><a href="https://twitter.com/charlie29122012"><span style="background: white; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">https://twitter.com/charlie29122012</span></span></a></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="background: white; color: #3a2e28; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Carrie-Ann I am so happy to have electronically met you. I know without any doubt your story and your passionate cause will help so many. Charlie's story will continue to be told and I wish you all of the success in your hope of a bereavement center. With 1 in 4 pregnancy's leading to loss I can assure you there is a need in every city. More people like you, with passion and love behind the cause will be the reason why our next generation of bereaved parents will have hope again. </span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-68322191053680402302014-10-12T19:02:00.004-04:002014-10-12T19:02:45.115-04:00Kasey's Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Our next guest post is from Kasey. She is among many who are breaking the silence during our pregnancy and infant loss series. It is not easily to write these posts. More so, re-live those raw feelings again. Loss of a pregnancy is devastating emotionally. It also can weigh heavily on a couple's relationship. I will now let Kasey tell her story: </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've
always been scared to tell people about my story. I don't want to be pitied or
seen as someone after attention. But saying/writing the words can be healing
and can raise awareness. So here goes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In
September 2009 my world fell apart when I suffered an ectopic pregnancy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
took the test when my period was a day late on a fluke. I didn't think it would
come back positive so I freaked a little but I was so happy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
did all the normal things you’re supposed to do. Started taking folic acid, got
it confirmed by the doctor and started looking at baby things. Then I
started spotting. After a miscarriage the January before of course I panicked.
I went straight to the hospital to find out what was going on. The nurse there
took my pee and told me "yeah miscarriage and UTI" gave me some
antibiotics and sent me on my way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
was devastated but not 100% convinced it was a miscarriage. I was only spotting
brown blood and there was no pain. So I went to my GP who agreed with me and
scheduled me in for a scan. I felt slightly better after that so I went home,
relaxed and waited to go to my scan. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's
when the pain started. It felt like someone had clamped a huge vice onto my
right hip and it was just getting tighter and tighter. It was unbearable agony
and I couldn't take it. I rushed to hospital then waited an hour to see a
nurse. She didn't seem to believe I was in that much pain and just offered me
paracetamol. She must have checked my notes properly because as I was about to
give them my pee sample the nurse rushed out and hustled me to a cubicle where
I thought I would get seen quickly. I was very wrong. I was kept in agony for
what seemed like hours. I was given no pain relief and a "lovely"
nurse came in and told me to stop screaming. Finally I was given relief and
taken to the gynecology ward for the night where I got a little sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
next day I was given a scan. The tech didn't say anything as she used the dildo
cam on me although I could tell she wanted to find something good for me. I
could tell that she didn't. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They
sent me back to my room and I waited anxiously to be told what was going on.
The doctor came in and told me the baby was growing in my right Fallopian tube
and I would need an operation to remove it and my tube. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt
like my world was crumbling around me. I wanted to die. Right there and then.
Just stop being. My husband tried to comfort me but it was fruitless. I
couldn't see beyond my own pain and loss. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
operation happened the next day. I had to walk what seemed like miles to the
room then lie down on the bed where I was stuck with numerous needles. The lady
in there did her best with small talk but soon gave up as I couldn't stop
crying. She seemed genuinely concerned for me which, looking back, was something
I needed. Someone who was removed from the situation but cared. They gave me
the anesthetic and I was out. The next thing I knew I was back in my room
with a tube sticking out of my stomach and it was all over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
Fallopian tube was so close to rupturing that they had to remove it along with
the tiny ball of cells that was never meant to be. So now I only have one
Fallopian tube and, in my eyes, the chances of conceiving naturally have been
cut in half. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
want to say that I got over it or that I'm getting over it. I want to say that
I'm OK with the whole thing. But I'm not. I was let down by that first nurse
and it just spiraled out of control. I never should have been put in the
situation where I had to lose my tube. But I was and it’s something I have to
live with now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me
and my husband are no longer together. He never really had the emotional
capacity to deal with loss so he shut down and we lost each other. Right
now I'm with someone new who loves me and is there for me emotionally. We are
currently trying for a baby and may be looking into getting help via IVF.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you Kasey for sharing your story with us. I know your heartache will not be in vain. I can speak for all who have just now read your words, that we wish you the babiest of baby dust when you start to embark on the wild world of IVF. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-65529306182616766902014-10-07T14:16:00.001-04:002014-10-07T14:16:49.262-04:00Kimberly's Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTbxv7Un345MAn-3gRMLhabeW-IGrkXOwgxs7JTdFi9xMAJaWRdb9uVS6ojH6YN_UEwARJhSWoDsDR6flw0I3ybI0vhzfyT_hlvDjA8KPl240_jvW1ve-r_WL_AyBVDaoRAAxb7H0VxDg/s1600/Kimberly's%2BStory.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTbxv7Un345MAn-3gRMLhabeW-IGrkXOwgxs7JTdFi9xMAJaWRdb9uVS6ojH6YN_UEwARJhSWoDsDR6flw0I3ybI0vhzfyT_hlvDjA8KPl240_jvW1ve-r_WL_AyBVDaoRAAxb7H0VxDg/s1600/Kimberly's+Story.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our second guest post of the series is from Kimberly. Her story heartbreaking and really hits home that you should always trust your instincts. The doctors do not know your body like you do, and unfortunately some can lack empathy especially during times of distress and loss. With that, I will turn it over to Kimberly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I found out I was pregnant three months after I got married. I thought it
would take a while to get pregnant due to my irregular periods and that we
hadn't been preventing before marriage, so we bought an ovulation kit to track
my cycles. The ovulation kit contained a pregnancy test so I took it the next
morning just to see. It was positive!! I got it confirmed at the Dr's
office a few hours later and called ob. The first ultrasound suggests that I
was around 5 weeks, I try to determine myself by examining the picture all the
time. I was never able to hear the heartbeat, but I think I may have the second
time I went for an ultrasound if I hadn't asked them to turn the sound off
because my husband wasn't with me. I felt like something was wrong and I was
having some discharge. The heartbeat looked nice and strong and they said
everything looked good, I don't remember getting my blood drawn. The next week
I noticed red blood after inserting my progesterone pill and went to the ER.
The Dr only did a pelvic exam and said I could be miscarrying and to follow up
with my OB. I already had an appointment scheduled that day, so I got it moved
up.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I knew as soon as the wand went in that my baby was gone, the bottom screen was
so still. I just kept staring at it, waiting for lines to start moving but they
never did. We were ushered to a room in the back and told to wait for the Dr.
She seemed apologetic and caring, but I was so numb that I don't think I felt
anything. I was terrified in a way, my body killed my baby and it was stuck in
me. I had a D&E the next day, November 2, 2011, and kinda blocked it from my
memory until my infertility struggles started.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't get pregnant again for another year, 14 months to be exact. My OB
checked my HCG after I said I was late but getting negative home tests. Her
nurse called with the results. She said my levels were too low and they don't
consider it a viable pregnancy. She told me I would miscarry in the next week
and to call if I didn't start bleeding by then. I went to a local OB and had
them checked every 48 hours for a few days and reported to my original OB. I spoke
to my actual Dr this time and informed her that my HCG was rising, but that I
was also spotting. She said, "it doesn't matter, you're still going to
miscarry".</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was dismissed as her patient and the local OB didn't see a problem so he
didn't want to check them for another week. I could feel that something was
wrong and I wanted answers. After calling a few places I found a fertility
specialist that said I could come to their office right then, two hours away.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We talked for a little bit, had some blood drawn, and was started on
progesterone injections and baby aspirin. The spotting stopped and I started
feeling some symptoms, which were found to be from the progesterone. My HCG was
checked every 48 hours until it was over 1500 and we could have an ultrasound,
which took about two weeks. The screen was turned a little, but I could still
see that my uterus was empty, not even a sac. I couldn't tell, but the nurse
said she saw it in the right tube, I just knew it would be. I had been
researching ectopic pregnancies the entire two hour drive to get the
ultrasound, my HCG was just too low and my body had yet again killed my baby.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Dr very sternly said I couldn't have the baby, drew my blood, gave me a
methotrexate injection, and orders to get my blood drawn again in a week. My
HCG had gone down, but not by much. The nurse said they'd check it again after
the New Year, it was Dec. 19. I knew they hadn't check my levels enough or
properly monitor me, but there wasn't much I could do. Everything was going
good and I didn't think much about it until Christmas afternoon when I got a
very intense pain in my stomach.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was in terrible pain unless I was sitting on the toilet pushing like I needed
to go, which also hurt but not as much. After about 30 minutes I decided to go
to the ER. I told the nurse what I thought the problem was and they got me back
pretty quick. An abdominal and vaginal ultrasound showed a large amount of
fluid, which prompted the on call OB to do surgery. After waiting four hours
for the nurses to get on the same page and get all the surgery staff available,
I was cut across the belly like a C-section would be, given 2 units of blood, 2
day hospital stay, and lost my right tube.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After several timed attempts, </span>IUI's<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, and 4 failed </span>IVF<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> with basically no options left,
I still have empty arms waiting for my miracle.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">Kimberly, it breaks my heart to hear your arms like so many reading, are still waiting to carry your baby home. I know all to well what it is like to feel like all hope is lost and there are no more options. Kick down doors that shut, keep hope in your heart and know your path to parenthood may not be as you envisioned it, but it still lays before you with each step forward. </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-59251088061511314532014-10-02T11:43:00.000-04:002014-10-02T11:43:36.018-04:00Infertility After Loss<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-0TV7_IkCnwnt6E0eade4Bk-TKwjrfVNnBdgE6bAfVxwQSvZNpIsShRBDjfSSefLXH1zqT79t0IE5ix7J5PtjEh1U5O90Fk7Ft71gld1J7sVWVWhtIY59j-V-8NLtGwVTYDX8tH-Cvlh/s1600/Infertility+After+Loss+Pic+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy-0TV7_IkCnwnt6E0eade4Bk-TKwjrfVNnBdgE6bAfVxwQSvZNpIsShRBDjfSSefLXH1zqT79t0IE5ix7J5PtjEh1U5O90Fk7Ft71gld1J7sVWVWhtIY59j-V-8NLtGwVTYDX8tH-Cvlh/s1600/Infertility+After+Loss+Pic+1.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last year Suzie was the first to step up and bravely tell her story, (check out last year's </span><a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2013/10/remembering-connor.html#.VC1s2rAtAkk" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: inherit;">post </span></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">here) so it makes sense to let her open the door to our loss series. For many couples getting pregnant is easy. People have babies every day, some are even dumb enough to give you the smug comment that their dear husband only has to look at them and BAM they have a bun in the oven. Not sure about you guys, but I mentally slap them HARD while they tell me this. Look at the damn Duggars. Man, they make me angry. I digress. For others like Chris and I, and the many of you reading right now, infertility has consumed your bedroom like a thick black cloud only to make carrying your child to birth a whole other challenge once you finally overcome your infertile challenges. Read on to hear how Suzie has had her world rocked by loss only to find out she too, has to fight the battle of infertility. She is not alone in this either. We must open conversations on the topic of infertility after loss and the effect of secondary infertility. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I will now pass this over to Suzie:</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Last year, I shared with you the experience of losing my son.
Connor was stillborn at approximately 30 weeks. I shared details of the
pregnancy, finding out he was gone, and about my stay in the hospital the week
he was born. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I didn’t share much about the time after he was gone. The
months of, and still ongoing, emotional healing. There were times, right after,
that I felt like I would never be okay again. However, as the months passed and
I worked diligently on healing, because time does not do all the work, I found
I was okay. I am okay. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">About four or so months after losing Connor, my husband and I
decided that we were ready to try for a baby. This was a very emotional and
trying decision. We weren’t sure when or if we would ever be 100% ready to face
a pregnancy again. I knew I would be a nervous wreck no matter how long we
waited. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">What I wasn’t ready for is what actually happened next. We
were suddenly faced with unexplained infertility. This post was difficult for
me to write. My husband and I have been quiet about our experience with
infertility. Only family and a few close friends know about it. It is time to
share. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">After months of trying, we went back to the doctor who had
helped us through the hardest time in our life. I cried in his office, as he
had seen me do before. What was wrong? Was my body “broken” because of how my
first and only pregnancy ended? He reassured me I was not. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He also said that he didn’t want to drag this out for us any
longer. He wanted us to see a specialist right away. A dear friend suggested a
RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) who she had seen. We made our appointment. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I expected the RE to discuss a lot of things with us during
our consultation. I didn’t expect to walk in to him assessing Connor’s autopsy.
It makes complete sense looking back. Why wouldn’t he want to learn all he
could about my past pregnancy, before helping us with a future one? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">He worried that there was a very real possibility that we
could face the same fate, if we weren’t careful to figure out what happened.
This thought terrified me. Not to mention, we had only been told in the past
that it was a “fluke” and there was really no chance of it happening again. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">The next month or so of genetic specialist appointments and
blood tests were very emotionally challenging. The tests came back positive.
There were no signs of anything genetic being the cause. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">We got to move forward. However, I feel like we have stood
still. Months after that first emotional appointment, we are still waiting for
that positive test. There have been a lot of prescriptions, appointments, and
disappointment. We have been told time and time again that nothing is wrong and
it will happen. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">They seem like empty words. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">At this point we have been trying for well over a year. I
know in the grand scheme of things this is not long. However, there is another
layer that runs through our household. Or rather, doesn’t. We at this point
should have a little one toddling through our living room. Our holiday season
which was spent hoping for positive news, should have been spent watching
Connor enjoy his first time waking up to presents. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">My grief is two fold. It exists for the son who was not
allowed to experience life. It also exists for the pregnancy that hasn’t been
able to begin. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">However, above all, I am okay. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> Please check out Suzie's amazing blog at:</o:p><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://suziesnewnormal.blogspot.com/"><span style="color: #1155cc; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://suziesnewnormal.blogspot.com/</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
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</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">and Connor’s Story: </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><a href="http://suziesnewnormal.blogspot.com/2013/05/our-son-connor.html"><span style="font-family: inherit;">http://suziesnewnormal.blogspot.com/2013/05/our-son-connor.html</span></a></span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-24731683273309147902014-10-01T06:30:00.000-04:002014-10-01T06:30:01.600-04:00Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month<br />
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<span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">October may mean something different to many of us. Maybe more frequent visits to the
dentist, or pumpkin spice everything, and an occasional cannon ball into a massive pile of fall leaves.
I would bet a lot of people though, may not associate October with the fact it is Pregnancy and Infant
Loss Awareness Month. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqb_8B99RMyi21xfjhX2B_N5aIUeCBefgQbHBlnjRNPWPxpPzY80EtvgTQDDEMetR5_Tz9bQgWuNIpgl1NJ7Jn4SOQZHpL7h2f-2bq0vljHHQShyphenhyphendPKSFjrVClRGea-n3CFz-NpM-C8qH0/s1600/Infant+Loss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqb_8B99RMyi21xfjhX2B_N5aIUeCBefgQbHBlnjRNPWPxpPzY80EtvgTQDDEMetR5_Tz9bQgWuNIpgl1NJ7Jn4SOQZHpL7h2f-2bq0vljHHQShyphenhyphendPKSFjrVClRGea-n3CFz-NpM-C8qH0/s1600/Infant+Loss.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month saying, "When a child loses his
parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they
are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a
word to describe them." (October15th.com) </span><span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Mr.
Reagan may have been a crappy actor, but he was compassionate and his words
came from a place of familiarity of that infinite pain. I am unsure if this is documented, but I am all but certain
either he, or someone close to him had experienced this firsthand. He is right
though, there is no name for those parents who have had to grieve the loss of
child. No word in the English vocabulary can capture the weight of the meaning. And there is no name for the 1 in 5 couples who have miscarried or lost. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That is
why for the next month we turn over our blog to those who have bravely
shared their story. All of these voices sum up the raw pain and loss that was experienced,
some of these guest posts will also shed some new light and hope that you can survive and live on to
honor these angels who have gained their wings all too soon. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: inherit;">During
our October guest post series, our site will be doing a behind the scenes remodel. We waited to
add in tabs for resources and convert it over to a .com versus a blogspot. Hence
why we are finally making the change from Blogger to self-hosted WordPress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So for those who are weekly readers be on the
lookout for these soon to come new enhancements! I am excited about the change
and hope you all like the new layout and look. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, I am not sure how it will affect those
who subscribe via email, but I can imagine we will be working out some bugs
once I cross that bridge. Fingers crossed!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-62954553449478316732014-09-24T09:42:00.002-04:002014-09-24T09:42:13.247-04:00The Birds and The Bees<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDX226x_eNxB88OhAc61hyphenhyphen17U6z6yGElTB1COMNmqSHIdE3FeWyZ5f8CgrVdX6MhM6MMiV96fUT5EhB0xQYdyLWHruZetZtHxnkIdrtVxXSPiG1GgbL4n86oi5pzY4ZBVjs1_a6JcR_8/s1600/Giveaway.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsDX226x_eNxB88OhAc61hyphenhyphen17U6z6yGElTB1COMNmqSHIdE3FeWyZ5f8CgrVdX6MhM6MMiV96fUT5EhB0xQYdyLWHruZetZtHxnkIdrtVxXSPiG1GgbL4n86oi5pzY4ZBVjs1_a6JcR_8/s1600/Giveaway.jpg" height="320" width="315" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rando Person- Will you tell Jellybean about the surrogacy? </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Me- DUH, Yes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">How can I not share her amazing story of how she came to be? This surprises some people who have asked us this same
question. Maybe it is the fact the
surrogacy is not the normal path to parenthood. So naturally people are curious
of what is unknown to them. I just use these moments for rousing awareness.
Really the truth is, yes we will tell her but I have no idea how. Just like I
have no idea on how to explain the Tooth Fairy. WHICH IS REAL. Umm… moving on. Jellybean
is only 13 weeks so we have some time to ponder over it for now. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It does make that uncomfortable birds and the bee’s barrage of
questioning from the mini humans come up a little sooner than we would like to
though. It has been a real challenge explaining Jellybean to our nieces and
other various related rugrats. Deviously, we just spike that ball straight back
to their parents to try to explain it. But never the less, explaining our
surrogacy to these young minds is more confusing than I was in my Quantitative Analysis
class in college. Really, how do you explain surrogacy?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKaKCRrgN-LEdpUUENKZz0mjJSJytCp-bd5QXIIPByKK3yD78LdvF2Pl6yqtbqGhTbOzixcGBtUxlXRgHGTDQQZcPZV63rmr_VAa1XyvqckjK5XtUBHrUFLaFLnAO_Xf1fda4XusS0las/s1600/9837a1ea618b75f8238bc0615723b842.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKaKCRrgN-LEdpUUENKZz0mjJSJytCp-bd5QXIIPByKK3yD78LdvF2Pl6yqtbqGhTbOzixcGBtUxlXRgHGTDQQZcPZV63rmr_VAa1XyvqckjK5XtUBHrUFLaFLnAO_Xf1fda4XusS0las/s1600/9837a1ea618b75f8238bc0615723b842.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">A perfect example is when Chris’s sister (who is expecting) and
seven year old niece, recently came into town to visit us and meet their new
family member. Being already curious of her mother and now seeing a new baby,
we were hit with a storm of curious questioning. I explained that like kangaroos,
Jellybean was carried in some else’s pouch because my pouch was broken. Brilliant right? Not my geniusness,
I stole the concept like a bandit from a book I gave to my surrogate’s kiddos
called “The Kangaroo Pouch” by Sarah Phillips Pellet. More on that in a
second. Unfortunately for us, Chris’s
niece is very smart and started asking very detailed questions. Kudos to his
sister who had masterfully perfected the art of changing the subject.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Gji9oZibsqUOTm9E2HHWiie_ZZrr_daPI6kgNgVlxEUffn9Ujui3nesga1k2Q74umrnc9fjzofIM7mCeqhdtElyuB-kqGNtwCwo9cAa03OqqB1eyA_WiSLXEbt_qhk6f3GDkukB7TSo/s1600/d77cef3290dfcc011dc870677de6f80b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_Gji9oZibsqUOTm9E2HHWiie_ZZrr_daPI6kgNgVlxEUffn9Ujui3nesga1k2Q74umrnc9fjzofIM7mCeqhdtElyuB-kqGNtwCwo9cAa03OqqB1eyA_WiSLXEbt_qhk6f3GDkukB7TSo/s1600/d77cef3290dfcc011dc870677de6f80b.jpg" height="320" width="248" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Now, there are a ton
of children’s books out there that help explain adoption on a level that is
easy for kids to understand, but how about surrogacy? Lets just say there is no shelf at Barnes and Noble dedicated to surrogacy children's books. I stumbled across “The
Kangaroo Pouch” a year ago when I was trying to help our wonder-surro explain
the surrogacy to her kids. It was a great book that explained it in such a way
that will help buy you some time before the complicated infertility advanced sex-ed 101 conversations
need to start. Great right? No need in explaining what a guys bingbong and the
chickadees and a girls ladybits are really used for. Just leave it to the art of
storytelling to explain it on their level. So that is why it is time for a
giveaway! I have 2 copies of “The Kangaroo Pouch” to give away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So if you right in the middle of a surrogacy or about to
start it and you would like to enter to
win a copy of the book, please use the Rafflecopter widget below. For
those on mobile devices, you may need to use a desktop PC to view the widget
and enter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a class="rafl" href="http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/887058491/" id="rc-887058491" rel="nofollow">a Rafflecopter giveaway</a>
<script src="//widget.rafflecopter.com/load.js"></script>
</span></div>
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<em><span style="font-family: inherit; font-style: normal;">If you missed
the giveaway, you can purchase this book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Kangaroo-Pouch-surogacy-children/dp/1425105572/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411493140&sr=8-1&keywords=the+kangaroo+pouch" target="_blank">here</a>. You see folks, anytime you use our Amazon link we receive a small % of what you
spend back to us, at no cost to you of course. It helps support our site.</span></em><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We don't know when or how exactly we will tell Jellybean but we are going to
make sure that she knows about the incredible love and sacrifice our wonder
surro had, all of the excitement and worry we felt during the pregnancy, and
how our world seemed to actually start the second she was born. I do know we will incorporate this book into her library so it will make those awkward conversations a little less uncomfortable.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-86967784226082708062014-09-17T08:32:00.000-04:002014-09-17T08:32:03.492-04:00The Mail Came Today<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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The mail came today. So what? The mail comes every day. And our mail box is over flowing with bills,
junk and those annoying coupons you open up, speed read through and toss
in the trash. You’ll never get that time back but yet you still open the
envelope and hope for an all-star coupon. Hence why I dislike the mail man.<i> </i>He is not directly at fault but certainly an accomplice. Also, have I mentioned that I hate the ice cream man? I promise this is
somewhat related, keep with me here folks. The ice cream man is an a-hole. He
plays his horribly creepy jack in the box music down our street getting me overly
excited at the chance that maybe today, just maybe I can make it to the truck
in time for an ice cream cone or maybe a delicious choco-taco. But by the time
I locate my massively unorganized purse, dig out some money and haul ass outside,
he is gone. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. So I just
gave up on him and let him taunt me from a far, with his creepy clown music.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I have also adopted
the mindset that the UPS man, the Mail man and the Ice cream man are all in
cahoots with each other. For example the UPS man, every day parks his truck
across the street from my house. He just sits there, mocking me. While I am
desperately waiting for a package that he does not drop off. Sometimes he will
even drive off and then come back and park in front of my house. Salt in the wound I say!<o:p></o:p></div>
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See here is a picture of him toying with my emotions… <o:p></o:p></div>
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Will you bring me my package today or will you just drive
off leaving me disappointed and empty handed? <o:p></o:p></div>
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Today though, I changed my opinion on one of those three. It
was the mail man who has won hero status in my eyes. He can now bring me all of
the junk mail he wants! I have no reason
to complain any more. You see, we received
a large envelope from our attorney. It was Jellybean’s birth certificate. It
finally came 11 weeks later. Until that
point, she had a different last name. At every doctor’s appointment I would be
referred to as Mrs. Notmylastname. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH1L82NoSzfqGpkN2UlxXWdENoqIWh1uA-ADfN3SKfUs1xWp97geI55Eud3uaptfdUdsyQsCvjUa8pqHEmvmzYhdRpm7GcjblTEmujBa_Wly_h4pocmgpnsSxEMyJ48r4TkRd45NKWW-c/s1600/IMG_2862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgH1L82NoSzfqGpkN2UlxXWdENoqIWh1uA-ADfN3SKfUs1xWp97geI55Eud3uaptfdUdsyQsCvjUa8pqHEmvmzYhdRpm7GcjblTEmujBa_Wly_h4pocmgpnsSxEMyJ48r4TkRd45NKWW-c/s1600/IMG_2862.jpg" height="260" width="400" /></a> In the muddy surrogacy
laws of VA, Jellybean was born with our surrogate’s last name. It is just
easier for the hospitals to identify who the baby came from versus the whole
Jerry Springer conflict of who’s the baby mama or baby daddy. Now, don’t get me
wrong here, our surrogate has a mighty fine last name. But can you blame us for
wanting it to be ours? There is just a sense of finality involved once that
piece of paper arrived and displayed us as the parents on the certificate. So
thank you Mr. Mail Man. Today you stand amongst the many who have helped us
become a family. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For those reading this who just looked down at negative pregnancy test, know that one day your package will come too. One day your long wait
will end. For us, it seemed like we were in baby wait purgatory. I have no
uterus and we have heard ‘NO’ more times that we can count. But that is faith
right? Keeping faith and knowing that one day you will look upon a birth
certificate that belongs to your baby. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.26px;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you like our blog, even just a little, how about showing us some sweet sweet bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Twitter</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Facebook</span></a><span style="font-size: small;"> and </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Pinterest</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">!</span> </span></i></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-66074591499491098252014-09-09T10:36:00.000-04:002014-09-09T14:38:41.375-04:00Sweating ‘Off The Grid’<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-C2OchaBLgAL-nS5p_3MOOBbVivQOjZlLlA055u38JMB2ruyKlcYHBT0urZJetw0ZmYA36AbqQ4Paj2oxp_Wdho4SN-RxeRY6FHZuZw73cfMtGoKIKWI86wvNBgk79wpHq42gq0km4EY/s1600/barbells.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-C2OchaBLgAL-nS5p_3MOOBbVivQOjZlLlA055u38JMB2ruyKlcYHBT0urZJetw0ZmYA36AbqQ4Paj2oxp_Wdho4SN-RxeRY6FHZuZw73cfMtGoKIKWI86wvNBgk79wpHq42gq0km4EY/s1600/barbells.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">With bikini season over, now is the perfect time to think
about one thing: getting in shape to show it off under that sweater and heavy
coat. Okay, not really the best timing
on this, but this post was inspired by a recent experience. You see, I really enjoy two things, snacking
and beer. And … believe it or not, it
turns out those two activities are not great for your waist line. Oh, I get by with humorous comments like,
“Since I stopped growing vertically, I decided to start growing horizontally,”
or how about, “Just making sure I am as ready as possible in the event a
hurricane comes our way.” But really, I
am not too keen on having to hold my breath to put my pants on, looking down at
the bed, and realizing, DAMN, I haven’t even put my belt on yet. With all of that, I have only one solution,
try to eat decent (most of the time) and exercise my ass off. One way to do that in an efficient manner is,
you guessed it, running. Uhhh, sucks
right. Running sucks. I don’t like running. I do like the sense of accomplishment, the
feeling of “wow I just ran that far and survived, barely.” But, running is a great way to burn calories,
so I employ my feet for this snack & beer enabling endeavor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, I have the gear; shoes, shorts that are too short to do
anything but run in, the breathable shirts that still get soaked in sweat, an
Ipod, and a fitness band that tells you how long you have ran and what your
pace is. Ready for the inspiration of
this post? Yes Chris, we have wasted
several minutes reading your ramblings and still have no idea where you are
going. Okay, fine. To the point then. Between an ear infection and a bad fitness
band, I took a run unplugged. You know
what, I wasn’t bored. I didn’t need distraction. I kind of lost myself in my thoughts. The strange bit though, I was able to think
through things with a bit more clarity than when I am involved with other
things or trying to think about nothing else.
Here I am, feeling like death while running (not really that bad, I’m
being a bit dramatic), sweating and stinking up a storm, trying not to get run
over, and still, I was able to really have a good think. That kind of sounds old-man like. But really, I was questioning a lot of things
about myself, about everything we went through, if we made the right decisions,
had the whole experience marred us to the point where we would never be good
parents? Do we have expectations too
high for our Jelly Bean because of everything we have been through? Lots
of thoughts to say the least. But during
my run, I was able to work through things, separate the necessary thoughts from
the unfounded worry. You know what, when
my run was done I felt two things, accomplishment for finishing the run and
assurance that Candace and I are able to walk into this strange new land of
parenting and survive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Why share this? Why
is this relevant to anyone else, even more so, why is this relevant to anyone
that is still knee deep in the throes of IF?
It is simple, you need an outlet.
If you are living a stress-free life, then ignore that, but the rest of
us need an outlet. What better outlet
than one that serves two purposes.
Everyone knows that physical activity is good for us physically, and a
lot of us know that it is good for us self-esteem-wise, but it is great for us
psychologically too! Endorphins aside,
there are tons of things that the docs think exercise does for us on a brain
chemical level that are beneficial. If
you are interested, check this <a href="http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/regular-exercise-releases-brain-chemicals-key-for-memory-concentration-and-mental-sharpness" target="_blank">article </a> and this <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/article/320144-does-exercise-release-a-chemical-in-the-brain/" target="_blank">article</a> out. What about for infertility? Glad you asked. Moderate, balanced exercise is great for
boosting fertility too! Here is an
<a href="http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/health/pregnancy/fertility/how-exercise-affects-fertility/" target="_blank">article</a> and <a href="http://yourfertility.org.au/The-role-of-exercise-in-improving-fertility.pdf" target="_blank">another</a> about that. Just make sure, gents, to
keep your boys nice and cool lest you turn your troops into scrambled
eggs! <a href="http://www.snowballsunderwear.com/retail?a_aid=Secretinfertility" target="_blank">SnowBalls</a> to the rescue! That’s 3 in one! It’s a three-fer!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, exercise, right!
Now, I am not saying do an Ironman competition, run the Death Valley
ultramarathon (http://www.badwater.com/route/) (seriously, each race finisher
should be given water, a completion medal, and a straight jacket), or swim the
English Channel. Just do something. Maybe, if you do not regularly exercise,
start with a brief walk in your neighborhood.
See how you feel when you get home, physically and emotionally. Did it help?
If you do regularly exercise, try changing it up. Run really early in the morning, or really
late at night if it is safe. Don’t bring
music or a mileage tracker. Try running
on your hands instead of your feet … just seeing if anyone was still paying
attention. I hope that you find the same
sense of clarity and calming that I did, or at least can come home with a great
excuse to eat the <a href="http://caloriecount.about.com/calories-hardees-2-3-lb-monster-i119474" target="_blank">Hardees Monster Thickburger</a> for lunch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Candace-</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyone else notice the caloric intake of the Monster Thickburger? 1420 calories. WHHUUUUT? And they may as well just served you a salt shaker instead of a burger patty with the amount of sodium packed into that tasty yet artery clogging delight. OK that's all. </span></div>
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19.26px;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you like our blog, even just a little, how about showing us some sweet sweet bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Twitter</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Facebook</span></a><span style="font-size: small;"> and </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Pinterest</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">!</span> </span></i></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-59957504489409415072014-09-02T09:42:00.002-04:002014-09-03T08:10:38.555-04:006 Ways to Bond <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmMVqN8agYDVxrZddRCZPcZLw-FMY8Ojj_onlHAYBRrfLKuxsbFHFkbzZc8YG-OsBcHYHzJ-6RE38EuE4gTwSyYuo-EVUPhxNgdfP-H8_FSTE_JLsqFIzsXrKRakNiS2gTg8i_b1zp9vk/s1600/6+ways+to+Bond.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmMVqN8agYDVxrZddRCZPcZLw-FMY8Ojj_onlHAYBRrfLKuxsbFHFkbzZc8YG-OsBcHYHzJ-6RE38EuE4gTwSyYuo-EVUPhxNgdfP-H8_FSTE_JLsqFIzsXrKRakNiS2gTg8i_b1zp9vk/s1600/6+ways+to+Bond.png" height="233" width="320" /></a></div>
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I am a stranger. I did not carry her for 9 months so I am completely foreign to her. She will likely recognize my wonder surro’s voice but not mine. So does this mean that the
sound of my voice will make her cringe like that of the nasally Fran Drescher from
the Nanny? Another point of concern is since I was unable to be her tummy mommy I am terrified that she
will not naturally bond with me. I
am afraid to say this but here it goes, a deep dark fear I have also developed
is will I bond with her? I am supposed to immediately right? You know, the
whole love at first sight kinda thing. But what IF that does not happen? I
foresee a public lynching as a result since I fought so hard to get here and I
end up being a horrible mom.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I worried over these same thoughts for weeks before she was
born. I felt guilty for feeling them and terrified that this little miracle may
not think of me as her mommy. I found
though that I was not alone in these thoughts. Many mothers that carry their
own pregnancies share these fears. Many will not admit it but they had the fear
of what happens if they cannot bond with their baby. Those who are about to
embark on motherhood through adoption and surrogacy lose many nights of sleep
before the baby even arrives, fretting over the fear of bonding. I guess for me
I was scared that this was all a dream to begin with. It was just too good to
be true. We were going to be parents. Although, subconsciously I was waiting
for something to go wrong. Maybe perhaps I had built up the expectation of
myself to be a mother as too great of mirage that when the time drew near I
started to panic. I wanted to be everything to this child, but fear the
repercussions if I was not. Failure is not an option here. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Before surrogacy was an option for us, I had read a lot
about adoption and parenting an adopted child. I focused much of my time on
bonding techniques because that is a huge piece of the process when you are
adopting. Bonding or “The intense attachment you develop with your baby” for
me, is the deep feeling of wanting to stay up all night like a creeper staring
at your mini human or mama bear style bite someone’s head off for sneezing on
your baby. The unconditional love you feel regardless of the perfect
imperfections. Either way, it is a topic
that comes up regularly regardless of how you have built your family. The most
important take home here is bonding is not biological, it is mental. I repeat,
not biological it is mental. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Here are 6 ways to bond with your baby, however which way
they have made it into your arms:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>1. Kangaroo care /Skin on Skin</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Human touch is soothing and comforting for
both mom, dad and baby. It makes them feel warm and secure, like how they felt
in the womb. After Jellybean was born, as in seconds after the cord was cut, I
requested an area in the delivery room where I could immediately do skin on
skin contact with her. That, for me is where the bonding began for us. It is
also good for those breastfeeding or doing induced lactation. When I started to
have latching issues with Jellybean I was told by my lactation consultant to
take baths with her and do lots of skin on skin contact. Now, bath temps for
babies are not ideal temperatures, since I like my baths steaming hot. But if
you don’t mind being a tit-bit-nipply than it is a great skin on skin bonding
moment. I admit though, it felt weird taking a bath with a baby at first but
whatever, I was already breast feeding her and basically walking around my
house National Geographic style with no
top on for weeks already, so a bath was no big deal. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>2. Eye contact</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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They can only see about 12 inches in front
of them so the more you look at each other the more they recognize you. Gaze at
your baby and don’t worry it won’t creep them out like it would staring at a
stranger in a mall food court. They like it and it helps them recognize who you
are. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>3. Singing and Long-winded Conversations</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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I hate Chris sometimes, in the most
endearing way of course. This is his special dad power. He can make up a
ridiculously funny song to pretty much any tune on the fly. He sings to
Jellybean almost daily. For me, I have the gift of gab. I talk to her about
everything. I am sure to her I sound like the teacher from the Peanuts cartoon
but I must say she is a great listener. This benefits bonding because it helps
them recognize your voice and of course eventually learn to talk. The more you
talk to them the more they start to understand. Just start curbing the F-bomb
usage around 8-12 months.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>4. Hole up and be Hermits</b></div>
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We limited visitors and their
interactions with our new baby all in the name of bonding. I did all of feedings
and Chris began to feed her once a day after 3 weeks. When you nurse or feed,
it is an intimate time and you are responsible for taking care of their basic
needs. They begin to associate that comfort with you. I did not allow anyone other
than Chris to feed her until after 6 weeks. </div>
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<b>5. Co-sleep but not “CO-SLEEP”</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Chris is a wild sleeper. He has decked me
in my eye one too many times. So needless to say, do not trust sleeping with
your baby in your bed. However, they do have bassinets and Rock n’ sleepers
like what we use, that are right next to the bed. Call it easy access or
laziness at 12 am, guilty! However, I am right there at her first cry. It also
establishes closeness. Almost every night I will lean over and watch her sleep
or listen to her snores. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>6. Hold Your Baby</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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Hold them close and tightly. I mean you did
wait forever to be parents so I am sure this is not a hard task. This gives
them a sense of security and that you are near. Be there when your baby cries
and for heaven’s sake, don’t listen to unwanted baby advice and wise tails. You can’t spoil a newborn. Crying is there
language, the way they communicate. Try learning her schedule, and anticipate
her needs she will know you are there for her.
Responding when your baby cries for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Bonding is a personal experience and it takes
time just like building any kind of relationship. For me there was a “wonderment
stage” that lead into bonding. I was in
awe with every eye blink and every sound that Jellybean made. We were new
parents and she was new to the world so we all had something in common, we are
all learning. I used all of these techniques that I learned through our
adoption trials which helped wash all of my fears away. Even though you spent
years trying to be parents, it doesn’t mean exempt from the same fears others
who do not experience infertility feel. I love Chris more than I did when we met
12 years ago. Love constantly grows, as does the love you will have for your
new baby. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; font-size: x-small; line-height: 19.26px;"><span style="font-size: small;">If you like our blog, even just a little, how about showing us some sweet sweet bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Twitter</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Facebook</span></a><span style="font-size: small;"> and </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: small;">Pinterest</span></a><span style="font-size: small;">!</span> </span></i></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-10070246208435643122014-08-22T09:37:00.000-04:002014-08-22T09:44:37.142-04:00When There is Help<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Candace:
We lost someone last week, an icon of comedy. There have been 100’s of
posts, tributes and commentary dedicated the recent loss of Robin Williams.
Although many of us have laughed along with him in his many comedic satires for
most of us we were blinded by his talents to see the pain and struggle of his
disease. Yes, depression, much like Infertility is a disease that many fail to
name as a disease. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Sadly, both of these unnoticed diseases are
symbiotic. They feed off each other. Now, Robin Williams never struggled with infertility
to our knowledge, but it was a shock to us all when we heard about the sad news
of his passing and his long fight with depression. For many of us years negative
tests, appointments, baby showers and financial strain can chip away at your
will and mental grounding. The feelings of failure compound over time making
you feel like a walking anchor. I remember those days when leaving the couch
covered in my sea of tissues was near to impossible. For me though, I was one
of the lucky ones, I had Chris. He would just fill up my wine glass and listen.
He would hold me when the crying got too deep. He would help us, key word US,
find a new plan to help restore hope again. Failure after failure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">I recently came across a Facebook post in a
Resolve support online support group right after the media fires spread and
opened the discussion of how depression can affect infertility. It could not have been worded more perfectly. She ended it
with this quote:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">“In your darkest hour may the road lead you
to light. When you can’t find light may you find hope. When you can’t find hope
may you find help.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Sometimes hope is not always enough.
Sometimes if you just ask, help is your saving grace.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Chris:
I am a man. Far too tough to
suffer from depression or any other psychological disease. That is something that lesser people, lesser
men, deal with … I think that for guys, that is sort of an undercurrent. We can’t be depressed, we can’t cry, we can’t
be out of sorts. Well, that does not
seem to be the hand that I have been dealt.
Psychological diseases do have a hereditary nature, although it is not
exclusively hereditary, and I have several family members that have faced the
beast that is depression directly. I,
personally, suffer with anxiety and panic attacks. If you have never had one, let me paint this
scenario for you:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Thanksgiving, a few years back. We just had a failed IVF attempt and found
out in far too public of a way, that someone very close to us was
expecting. Candace, fell apart,
uncontrollably crying, unable to even spell the word composure, much less
retain hers. To make the situation
worse, those around us had no idea why Candace would react this way and saw no
irony in the fact that this was an unplanned pregnancy where our attempts were
everything but. We drove home shortly
after that and Candace threw up on the way home from the depth of pain she was
feeling from it not being us that were sharing that news. Now, through all of this, what is my role,
support right? I need to be the
rock. I need to be the one that comforts
Candace and says, we will get through this.
Push down what I feel, right now I am in caring husband mode. We get home.
We talk, Candace cries but wrestles her demons of hurt back down, and we
try to go to bed, only suddenly I can’t sleep.
I am restless, but it is way more than that. My heart is beating, my airway is
constricting, and my mind is going in 10,000 different directions. Candace asks what’s wrong and I get up to go
to our bathroom. I am sitting on our
toilet, not going to the bathroom (really guys … going to the bathroom … why would
I detail that, a little interjection of humor), but sitting on the toilet
lid. I couldn’t quite my mind. I had this worry that I would get out of
control. That somehow I would
uncontrollably hurt myself. I was
worried to swallow for fear of choking, worried too deep for fear of not being able
to exhale, worried to breathe too shallow for fear of not getting enough oxygen
and passing out. I was worried I would
have a heart attack or aneurysm or both.
I was worried that in some fit of psychosis I would grab a knife from
the kitchen, which was over 50 feet away, and fall and inadvertently impale
myself. All rationality had left me and
I felt alone. That my friends is a panic
attack.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">I never had one of those before our IF
throes. I am not a control freak of
others but definitely a control freak of myself. I don’t like losing control of my thoughts,
my mobility, or my options for a place to reside (slight claustrophobia I
suppose). With IF though, so much is out
of your control and I think, coupled with my hereditary predisposition for
psychological illness, this has caused me to lose the appropriate control on
anxiety and panic emotions. This is
actually closely related to depression and many people suffering from
depression have anxiety attacks and vice versa.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">So now what? I had panic attacks driving to work, flying
on airplanes, and apparently, as a result of Thanksgiving dinner. Give up right? Don’t fly, drive over water, or eat
turkey. What do you all think WE
did? Let me stress the “WE” part. We, as in Candace and I together, faced
this. Candace was amazing at accepting
what would be considered an irrational train of thought. She was great at enabling me to seek out help
and accommodating to me when I would have a panic attack and NEEDED her to be
there for me. If you are going through something
like this, whether it be depression anxiety or whatever, there is always a path
that leads to a “WE” being able to cope.
Please look for that! Anyway, we
did not lay down. I went to a
psychiatrist, got some medication to help combat the chemical imbalance in my
brain (hence the disease part of this folks), and talk regularly with our
counselor as issues arise. Did any of
these things fix me? Nope. Do I still get anxious and have panic attacks? Yep.
But, I have coping mechanisms, the medication helps to diminish the
severity of them, and I know I have support for all of these things. In short, it is a part of me. I accept it and keep moving forward. At one point, I didn’t know if I would ever
be able to fly again. I am happy to
report that I have flown across country several times. I have had panic attacks on airplanes, but I
am able to recover because I have found great coping mechanisms. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN" style="color: #141823; font-family: inherit; line-height: 107%;">Candace is eye-ballin’ me because I am
writing too much. Running away so I can
squeeze a few more sentences in though, let me say this. I have faced many of the dark sides of
depression and psychological illness either directly or through very close
family members. From all of that, I can
say that I know the impact that irrational, irreversible decisions, like Robin
Williams suicide, have on those around you.
Believe me that, even in your darkest moment, nothing is worth ceasing
to exist for. Always know that there is
a “WE” path and you truly never are alone in your battle to maintain a reason
to live. If you do reach the point that
you feel this not to be the case, consider this: the very fact that you have
reached this nexus of decision makes you an invaluable person. Being able to talk to others about how you
came to this moment and were able to move beyond it can and will inspire others
to do the same.<span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-14014103954195454922014-08-12T07:30:00.000-04:002014-08-12T07:45:05.954-04:00Home Sweet Clinic<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I had a conversation in the car today. It was kind of a one
sided conversation but I am pretty sure one day she’ll understand what today
really meant. It went something like
this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Me</b>- Today you are going to meet a lot of people. You will
probably be passed around like a doobie at a Grateful Dead concert, but don’t
worry they have all held you before. Some when you were only a cell, and others
in spirit. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Jellybean</b>- Silence<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Me</b>- Did you know they were your first baby sitters too?! It is a lot of
them. You were so special, that it took a small army of folks to watch you grow
in those first few days. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Jellybean</b>- More Silence<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Me</b>- {Wiping Tears} You see Jellybean, the amazing people you
are about to meet create families. They make dreams come true. They are the
ones, my love, that helped bring you to us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Jellybean</b>- Starts crying. Loudly... Pretty sure it wasn't the
sappy exchange we just shared. She was either hangry, (<i>hangry- adjective</i>, when one is hungry and
then turns into Bruce Banner when they do not eat.) had a righteous poop, or
hated the “Fancy” song I was listening to on the radio. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Big things were happening today. In order to get Jellybean’s
last name changed, I needed to make a quick trip to my alma mater, our fertility
clinic. Currently her last name is different from ours… crazy surrogacy laws.
In order to change this, our attorney needed an original copy of the chronology
of the transfer for us to have a new birth certificate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ1bK7SqMVasBPIsWGHQzX5CdnWEOf-Gu1UbnR9zVAQpkc6LEmPzL5PQNYjWN7nAPyJ2NCbcJzDwQeIdidIlF4VG2g8H0IT5-59G584moX_6GS-6ONdL-snB-aujfKjyZqeHqJca66gh8/s1600/home+s+c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ1bK7SqMVasBPIsWGHQzX5CdnWEOf-Gu1UbnR9zVAQpkc6LEmPzL5PQNYjWN7nAPyJ2NCbcJzDwQeIdidIlF4VG2g8H0IT5-59G584moX_6GS-6ONdL-snB-aujfKjyZqeHqJca66gh8/s1600/home+s+c.jpg" height="195" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">A flood of emotions came over me as I walked the “Green
Mile” pushing Jellybean in her stroller. It was a long narrow hallway. One that
I had worn a tread in through our years of appointments. Not many fertility
patients come back with their miracles to proudly show. I also probably pissed
off a few of those that were now holding the waiting torch in the lobby.
Sitting on the same couch I wore the thread count thin on year after year. I know I was highly annoyed when I would see
a woman with a baby at a fertility clinic. “How dare she step foot in here,” I
would think. Doesn’t she realize I am hurting to the core and the shear sound
of a crying baby will send me into a fit of rage or a tidal wave of tears
depending on what injection I was taking at the time. Instead, I sulked and
internalized the feeling that she was bogarting all of the baby dust. Fast forward to now, my how your mindset
changes. Instead, I should have cheered on my fellow IF sister. I should have seen the hope in their eyes,
through her baby that was a success. I did not know her back story, how many
years she had been struggling and perhaps stop to consider she was just like
me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> The moment we checked
in at the desk it became a hotbed of excitement and joy. Everyone came out to
see us. The nurses who had foraged day after day for good veins, IVF
coordinators, front desk staff, clinic manager, and even the billing and
finance advisor (we became close understandably as we all know assisted
reproduction is far from cheap! So best make good friends with those who know the
system.) My eyes really started to leak when I went to the OR and saw all of
the staff who had joked and cried with me all in the name of our IF miracle. All
were ear to ear smiles seeing the fruits of their labor. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Then I heard a very familiar voice, one I will never forget,
“Hello Mrs. W.” and with a rare smile my RE peeked over at my daughter and
patted me on the shoulder. I thought to myself it has to be rewarding to see
the perma-grin that is affixed to the faces of their once devastated patients.
Although daily they have the difficult job of breaking the hearts of so many
childless couples. It has to feel good once in a while to see in person what an
answered prayer looks like. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I can imagine though there are many patients that have their
positive betas, never to return. The clinic staff goes on to wonder, what does
their labor of love and petri dishes look like? What does the pile of cute
squirmy IF babies at the end of the rainbow look like? They all thanked me for
bringing her and coming back. Yeah, I had a reason other than to show off baby
cuteness but it felt good. I had another reason to visit my clinic other than
to get poked and prodded.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For Jellybean, this was just another car ride, or at least
that is all she was aware of. But
really, this visit was to return to one of several places that she has called
home already in her short life. She
lived as two halves in Chris and I, as a multi-celled embryo at the fertility
clinic, as a fetus in our surrogate, and now as our farting, crying, pooping miracle
in our home. In each place, she has been
surrounded by love, grace, and compassion immeasurable and for that, we will
never be able to say “Thank You” enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-77449127940956495432014-08-06T19:38:00.000-04:002014-08-06T19:45:47.691-04:00When There is HOPE<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Candace-Hope was when after countless years of failure to
conceive you still pick yourself up off the cold floor to keep trying another
day. Hope is when someone who has lost their child through miscarriage can find
the strength to heal and face tomorrow. Hope is what RESOLVE gives to those who
desperately need it in their journeys to parenthood. And HOPE is what our
readers and blogging community have given us since we started our blog in 2012.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In times when hope was all but
lost we would dredge up something positive. We would find the humor in
something that is hard to laugh it, like beating the crap out of a <a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/01/f-u-uterus-party.html" target="_blank">uterus piñata</a> filled will red candies
for example. We wanted others to find hope in the darkest of places so that
they would not ever have to feel alone in their journey. This is why we started
our blog. We wanted others to find it when it was missing. To find a way to
laugh when all of the humor was gone. To know that even though your struggle is
debilitating at times, that you are not alone in your feelings. Even those
feelings you may not be proud of. Our readers, electronic besties if you will,
humble us and continue to do so. YOU, reading this post right now allowed us to
share or over-share in many cases our struggles and feelings on the disease of
infertility. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were unbelievably surprised
when we found out because of you, our electronic besties, we are the recipients
of the 2014 RESOLVE’S Hope Award for Best Blog!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_xWJR0ggRkOMLPnjINVeyEoeaq-hM3l6Rvltjzugy9YHKfPj9fmrkG8lavdLG8j5HZ1wdvtiVcH52b9j4-tNT_0aenqdrzlVUtFLKZjr7-SNnQ7xTrMftkH5T1hg6BV59bIBByLLJLo/s1600/NOH14_Badges_2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_xWJR0ggRkOMLPnjINVeyEoeaq-hM3l6Rvltjzugy9YHKfPj9fmrkG8lavdLG8j5HZ1wdvtiVcH52b9j4-tNT_0aenqdrzlVUtFLKZjr7-SNnQ7xTrMftkH5T1hg6BV59bIBByLLJLo/s1600/NOH14_Badges_2.png" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt; text-align: justify;">
WHAAAAAAAA<span style="font-family: inherit;">? We stand dwarfed by
giants who write for advocacy and support of others, those who bravely share
their journeys. We were just one of many </span>bloggers<span style="font-family: inherit;"> that document their regular
rendezvous with </span><a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2013/01/mr-ultrasound-wand.html#.U-K5__ldWAU" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Mr. Ultrasound wand </a><span style="font-family: inherit;">and the common goal to spread awareness
like a boss. Chris and I are humbled to be amongst them, more so to be the ones
voted by the community to win the award. If you have a moment please check out
the other 4 completely remarkable nominees:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top: 12pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.amateurnester.com/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-sensitive-infertility.html" target="_blank">Amateur Nester</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://dontcountyoureggs.typepad.com//blog/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-about-your-family-building-options.html" target="_blank">Don’t Count Your Eggs </a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://inconceivable12.wordpress.com/2014/04/20/resolve-to-know-more-about-the-power-of-stories/" target="_blank">Inconceivable </a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://nofruitforyou.wordpress.com/2014/04/21/resolve-to-know-more/" target="_blank">No Fruit For You</a> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Chris-How great would it be if
this was the last time anyone ever won the Hope award? Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want us to be
the last winners and we certainly are not the most deserving of the award. But wouldn’t it be great if there was no
reason to give out an award next year? I
guess that is kind of the goal of bringing awareness to infertility,
right? If there is more attention to
issues with fertility and policy and other obstacles in the adoption process,
then maybe some of these things can be remedied. Of course this won’t happen over the course
of one year, but it is nice to dream right.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Candace and I are thrilled to be
selected for the 2014 Hope award. We
started writing the blog to get our story out and pass on the things that we
wished we knew to the broader IF community.
It is an absolute honor to be selected for this and we are even more
convinced that the more engaged that the IF community is, the greater chance
there is of making progress to overturn infertility. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">OK last thing. W</span>e are not
the only award winners for this years Night of Hope! If you have a chance,
check out the RESOLVE link <a href="http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/PageServer?pagename=NOH_winners" target="_blank">here </a></span></span><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> and
learn about the other astounding advocates in the community that are making an
every day difference in the lives of those who suffer with infertility.</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="background: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">If
you like our blog, even just a little, how about showing us some sweet sweet
bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and
can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to
sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span></i><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank"><i><span style="background: white; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Twitter</span></i></a><i><span style="background: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">, </span></i><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank"><i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Facebook</span></i></a><i><span style="background: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> and </span></i></span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank"><i><span style="background: white; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Pinter</span></span><span style="background: white; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">est</span></i></a><i><span style="background: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%;">! </span></i><o:p></o:p></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-13843456848696498392014-07-29T20:29:00.002-04:002014-07-29T20:33:58.642-04:00Putting the Ale in Male Infertility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyUeaO7CLhFoiDWB_KFcFVU-0b6iQNZHSd5f-WNg-bcmYwNl6Rt4-0TdxxBG6k2gWkTnPSa3Ket_odyuA_UDxH4kvZtCpDDvaGaw-gLk-LtKwkYIwm9pwYltZPylwd8oXMHGdT1KN2-IU/s1600/male+fertility.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyUeaO7CLhFoiDWB_KFcFVU-0b6iQNZHSd5f-WNg-bcmYwNl6Rt4-0TdxxBG6k2gWkTnPSa3Ket_odyuA_UDxH4kvZtCpDDvaGaw-gLk-LtKwkYIwm9pwYltZPylwd8oXMHGdT1KN2-IU/s1600/male+fertility.jpg" /></a></div>
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Chris: Alright, so the title is not really germane to the
recommendations in this post, actually I am fairly certain that putting ale in
a male is the opposite of what you want to do to boost male fertility. But, I like beer and I thought it sounded
catchy. After all, you are still reading
this right?<br />
<o:p></o:p> </div>
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Anyway, I mentioned a while back that I wanted to discuss
some ways to boost male fertility. Don’t
be confused with boosting male fertility and male virility. No, there will be no recommendations for
Spanish Fly, Viagra, or those crazy dangerous pills that you see at the 7-11
counters. Following the suggestions in
this post will not cause you to have a titanium penis or walrus shlong (look it
up). Instead, the information here is to
improve your sperm count, sperm motility and morphology, and hopefully,
eventually, decrease your sleep as you and your wife thumb wrestle over who
will change the next diaper.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Diet</b></div>
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Alright guys … want to send your sperm count into the
stratosphere? Here is all you need to
do: eat lots of steak, burgers and French fries, drink lots of beer and liquor,
and smoke lots of cigars. Uhmmm, not
quite. Sounds good but I am afraid it is
kind of the opposite of that.
Unbeknownst to many, there are not a lot of vitamins in cigars. Sucks right?
Don’t worry though, there are some nice options (and some that aren’t so
nice). Guess what you need: selenium and
zinc, among other things. You can get
selenium from Brazil nuts and zinc from liver and oysters. Brazil nuts, the nut that is always left
behind in that holiday mixed nut bowl is now your friend. Liver and oysters, a seemingly indigestible
combination, can be just what you need to get your pointy headed swimmers to
knock her up. When Candace and I were
hot and heavy on our quest for making babies, I would do <a href="http://www.nbc.com/fear-factor" target="_blank">Fear Factor</a> eating of smoked oysters. Unfortunately,
there was no cash prize after finishing the metal pan of nastiness. Check this site out for some other great
ideas from <a href="http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/foods_for_sex/printer.php" target="_blank">Men’s Health Magazine</a>. Hey, there is steak and ice cream on the list
… BONUS!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Exercise</b>, don’t cook your balls though<o:p></o:p></div>
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That’s right, blast those quads to make those babies. Hit the gym, the pavement, the pool, or the
library (well, only if you are going to lift heavy books in a periodic
fashion). I know this may seem like
absolute common sense, and it is. If you
are in better health, you will make more sperm that are higher quality. Duh. Here
is another good <a href="http://www.fertility-health.com/how-to-increase-sperm-count.html" target="_blank">site</a> that talks about getting exercise and sunshine among lots of other good
advice. Just don’t get all Jersey Shore
on us. Now, let’s say that you cannot
hold back. Your eyes turn red as soon as
you see those 100 pound dumbbells and you must do power thrusts. What will you do? Well, problem solved! Just make sure you are wearing some <a href="http://www.snowballsunderwear.com/retail?a_aid=Secretinfertility" target="_blank">SnowBalls</a> underwear and those boys of yours will be comfortably cool while you run your
ultramarathon. Okay, don’t run an
ultramarathon, these undies probably aren’t designed for that.</div>
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<b>Lube</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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She gave you the green light, you have eaten your oysters
and done your squat thrusts. What the
hell else do you need? Well, maybe the
situation is a little … how do you say it … dry. Gents, we know what to do right? Forgive my crassness but spit is a great
lubricant, it’s not so great for your teeny swimmers. Neither are any of the common amorous
lubricants. There is a solution
though. A lubricant that is a friend to
your sperm, <a href="http://www.preseed.com/" target="_blank">Preseed</a>. Check it out here. There may be others as well but I have tried
Preseed. My only recommendation is to
make sure to use it sparingly at first.
The delivery containers that we used were way too much stuff. Think slip-n-slide. Not pretty.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Get the troops rallied</b> (or in women-speak, setting the mood)<o:p></o:p></div>
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In 2010, the most babies were born in <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_surprising-facts-about-birth-in-the-united-states_1372273.bc)" target="_blank">September</a>. Wonder why that is? Well, subtract 8-9 months from that and what
do you get? Late fall-early winter …
which is just around the corner. What
happens during this time and why are so many babies born 9 months later? Let’s check out the scene. Ski resort chalet, check. Curled up by a fireplace, check. Your smokin’ hot wife in a tight fitting
sweater, double check. Bear skin rug on
the floor ready to be tackled in passion, check. So, all the romantic ingredients are there,
let’s have a baby. For men with
fertility issues though, this may not be enough. Geesh, what else do we need? Cuddle time.
WHAT?! That doesn’t seem to be
too productive to having a baby. Cuddle
time, might as well shoot me now, I am here, I am ready, I want to get this
baby making thing started. Your body
though, the reproductive system in particular, doesn’t necessarily feel the
same. If you can extend the amount of
time that you spend being intimate (i.e., <a href="http://www.malefertility.md/increase-sperm-count.html" target="_blank">delay ejaculation</a>),
you are more likely to have a larger number of sperm “deployed.” This means get the engines turning, rev up
the RPMs, then slow down a bit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Other thoughts...</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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We could go into tons of different things about how you
should time your uhuhm, lurid encounters, to only be so frequent but not too
rare so that you have just the right amount of the freshest of sperm
soldiers. Or, we could talk about all of
the things you should avoid: tobacco, alcohol, fried foods, eating glass,
smoking grass, and getting a swift kick in the … well you get the idea. Want to do this right? Think about it like this, as I am eating this
or getting ready to do this activity, is it good for me? Chances are if the answer is no, then it is
not likely to be good for your little baby makers either. What is good is being all Zen-like. Think positive about your boys (the sperm
factories that they are) and treat them right.
Eat fruit and veggies and steak too.
Take them for a light jog around the neighborhood and then for a turn
around your misses when she is ovulating.
They will show their appreciation by giving you the greatest chance of
becoming a father or expanding your family.
Worst case, all this healthy ball-care will have you in better shape,
better state of mind, and most likely even more irresistible to your lady. Good luck out there gents!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last chance to throw us a quickie, as in a quick vote! Recall back in April (National Infertility Awareness Week) when we were challenged to write about a specific topic “</span><a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-about-surviving.html#.U73ac7Ag9Dw" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Resolve to Know More About</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">…?” Well, that is the post that secured our nomination for the Hope Award Best Blog. So here is what you need to do:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cast your vote <a href="http://www.resolve.org/vote" target="_blank">HERE </a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Share, Share, Share. More votes for “Our Misconception” = #winning!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thank you for supporting us, our journey and reading our misadventures in the land of IF. </span></div>
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<i><span style="background: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.26px;">If you like our blog, even just a little, how about showing us some sweet sweet bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on <a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>! </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Research point:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/increasesperm.html">http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/increasesperm.html</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.fertility-health.com/how-to-increase-sperm-count.html">http://www.fertility-health.com/how-to-increase-sperm-count.html</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-31104723555404301282014-07-22T10:46:00.001-04:002014-07-22T10:46:26.347-04:00Top 5 Must Have Items When you are Inducing Lactation<div class="MsoNormal">
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<span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember back when I mentioned I was going to
induce lactation? Well many of you have sent in questions and asked how it was
going. The answer is it worked! Kind of. My 3 months of prepping, pumping and supplement
taking has paid off. Having not experienced the physical act of pregnancy which
triggers the pituitary gland to say to the rest of your body “hey, let’s start
making an all you can eat milk buffet,” this was my way of giving Mother Nature
a swift kick in the box on behalf of my broken lady bits, or lack thereof. I stuck firmly to using a protocol that
involved no hormones just pumping, herbs, and Domperidone resulting in infinitely
sore boobies. But being an IF vet, we all know pain is for the weak I say! By
the time Jellybean arrived I had been able to stock pile around 100 ounces.
This is a HUGE benefit for those who are in the surrogacy situation such as
Chris and I or those inducing for adoption. You can be ahead of the game in
freezing a stock pile which takes some stress off of you during those first few
weeks. It also doesn’t hurt to have a trusted mommy friend with extra on standby as
well, depending on how comfortable you are with that concept. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN">Now, I say it kind of worked because
Jellybean was losing more weight than we were comfortable with. Most babies
lose weight after birth, but the red line is at 10% of the birth weight. Once that threshold
is crossed than plan B needs to kick in. I knew I would have to supplement it
was just disappointing that it happened 2.5 weeks into her being here with us.
We were advised to fortify the already pumped/expressed milk with a ½ teaspoon
of formula so that it would be 24 calorie bottles each feeding on top of
putting the baby to breast. </span>Which I am glad to report she is now “fluffy” and back to birth weight. I told Jellybean this will be the only time in her life that gaining weight is fashionable and very much encouraged as a woman. Back fat is the new black and is quite a good look on her. Good thing I had that frozen cache of pumped milk right? So for those surro/adoptive warriors who are inducing lactation, save Every.Single.Drop.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So that you do not have unrealistic expectations, it is very important to set tangible goals. Realistically, I know will not be able to exclusively breastfeed for the full year. I will be very happy to get through the first month. So I have set target goals, mine is 3 months, then 6 months, anything there after is a huge bonus. If I can be fortunate enough to provide breast milk for Jellybean for the first 3 months I will be all unicorns and rainbows inside. Anything thereafter is me succeeding my goal. </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I waited to write this post because with all
things it takes a bit of trial and error. I started induction well over 4 months ago so
I have had some time to get some experience under my belt. That being said,
here is a list of the top 5 items I could not live without during my Milkcapades:
<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWd-Wgzy9u8bDY0FiH4qRkqk4bvoIeTWwtV6NR7eZUJW0znK1CPdwik5hE486nt5LzmSLUpibbPHbtYg_6XyIRuDIMz-B2TIIZb5AbI7a2lBim5qOQI_RF17DiKG9kHXxBcSeKUlne4Pw/s1600/PUMP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWd-Wgzy9u8bDY0FiH4qRkqk4bvoIeTWwtV6NR7eZUJW0znK1CPdwik5hE486nt5LzmSLUpibbPHbtYg_6XyIRuDIMz-B2TIIZb5AbI7a2lBim5qOQI_RF17DiKG9kHXxBcSeKUlne4Pw/s1600/PUMP.jpg" height="320" width="250" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span lang="EN">1. AHH
Bras</span></b><span lang="EN">-Seriously they are a warm inviting, yet
supporting hug for your ladies which will be sore, as in someone has taken a titanium
bat to your bitties kind of pain. So needless to say, it is a bit-o-heaven at
night when you go to bed. Even if you have never slept with a bra on, you will
reconsider and start using this AH-mazing bra.
You also must have at minimum of 3. Because let’s face it, you will need
to wash them eventually and you cannot be left in the desperate situation where
you need one and it is wet and soggy and currently on the slowest dry cycle of
your life. Click <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=AHH%20Bra" target="_blank">here</a> if you want to check them out. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Thanks to K, my fellow </span><a href="http://infertilejob.blogspot.com/" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">blog </a><span style="font-family: inherit;">friend for the Bras! My ladies double thank you. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span lang="EN">2. Coconut oil or Olive oil</span></b><span lang="EN">- After repeated pumping, your
nips will start to resemble cracked, ashy raisins. Sounds awesome right? Lube them and your flange up with coconut oil
or olive oil and it’s like nip-paradise. Now, many people use Lanolin. I have
tried all three; olive oil, coconut oil and Lanolin and can say 100% that the
oils are way better. </span></span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: inherit;">Lanolin SUCCCKKKS. If you still think it is
good then look up the ingredients of it and the adverse side effects <a href="http://voices.yahoo.com/lanolin-might-not-good-idea-breastfeeding-11344276.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you really want your
little IF miracle suckling at the tit that has been coated with this nasty
stuff? Case in point, moving on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span lang="EN">3. Breast Pads</span></b><span lang="EN">- Not because you are leaky, this is because you do not want huge crop circles on clothes. Remember the Jheri curl scene from the movie Coming to America where there were huge oil stains on the back of the couch? Soul Glow? Well that will be you instead it will be on your shirt, like two oily headlights. Trust me here folks, I learned the very hard and embarrassing way. Olive oil and Coconut oil is still better than lanolin so breast pads are your solution. Check out this <a href="http://athriftymom.com/10-sets-of-washable-breast-pads-for-free-uddercovers-com-promo-code-athriftymom1-breast-feeding-month/" target="_blank">site</a> where you can get them and other goodies for free! I love free stuff don’t you?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.breastpads.com/"><b><span lang="EN" style="line-height: 18.399999618530273px;">https://www.breastpads.com/</span></b></a><span lang="EN"> code:AthrifyMom1 </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span lang="EN">4. Hands-free pumping bra</span></b><span lang="EN">- For those random moments you want to spontaneously
break out in fits of jazz hands while pumping. And because you want to
multitask like stalk a friend on FB, or knit an afghan for your neighbor, or
trim bonsai trees, or read our blog, you get the picture. This is a must, may as well buy two. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><span lang="EN">5. Hospital
Grade Pump</span></b><span lang="EN">- My Pump "Larry, Sir Pumps A lot" is mighty fine crafted work of mechanics that can make even Chris lactate.
Seriously folks, I am pretty sure if I replaced my tatas with two inanimate objects
like rocks, it would suck milk out of them. I used a regular pump and got drops
then I started using a hospital grade pump and BAM it squirts out like a water gun. You
can rent them from lactation consultants and some pharmacies. For some
insurance companies, with a proper RX from your OBGYN, you can get one through
them for a discounted cost or even free. Really, if you are inducing lactation,
this is the way to go. I use the Ameda Platinum and I love it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN"><span style="font-family: inherit;">There you have it folks, the top 5 things I
know that were (and still are) a life saver throughout my lactation inducing
adventures. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Just incase it may have slipped your mind, please vote for us! Recall back in April (National Infertility Awareness Week) when we were challenged to write about a specific topic “<a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-about-surviving.html#.U73ac7Ag9Dw" target="_blank">Resolve to Know More About</a>…?” Well, that is the post that secured our nomination for the Hope Award Best Blog. So here is what you need to do:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Cast your vote <a href="http://www.resolve.org/vote" target="_blank">HERE </a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Share, Share, Share. More votes for “Our Misconception” = #winning!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thank you for supporting us, our journey and reading our misadventures in the land of IF. </div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-48983450325555607802014-07-16T19:52:00.000-04:002014-07-16T19:52:39.775-04:00The Day Pigs Flew<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL4R-iGa1wXf7SQLBnmh0IqF42WTiLcJI-Zn0buuPNvpf28NbmrR17DbCjl_ygDt6MF92Pebz72lwdU2_Z9PRlD5Usdc70K6chliXr-A3UbNYFaFSCZ0YtdYqpvQ4rJvAsUYO41PZBIczI/s1600/blog+quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL4R-iGa1wXf7SQLBnmh0IqF42WTiLcJI-Zn0buuPNvpf28NbmrR17DbCjl_ygDt6MF92Pebz72lwdU2_Z9PRlD5Usdc70K6chliXr-A3UbNYFaFSCZ0YtdYqpvQ4rJvAsUYO41PZBIczI/s1600/blog+quote.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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Candace: It was 5am when our alarm woke us up. Really, it
didn’t even have to make much of a noise to jar us out of bed since we were
already subconsciously waiting for our wonder-surro to call us and let Chris
and I know what time to meet her at the hospital. With our clothes laid out and
bags preloaded the evening before in the car, we were given an hour notice to
make it to the hospital. Good thing we are OCD and thought to have everything
ready beforehand because our hospital was a good 45 minute drive with traffic
away. Apparently pigs can fly. We were on our way to the hospital to meet our child because one woman was giving us the most precious of all gifts. See folks, I even wore appropriate socks for the occasion. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Now, when you are in a hurry and you need something to grab
and go for breakfast what would you chose? Breakfast bar? Perhaps a quick piece
of toast? NO, we took two bowls of oatmeal with us. WTH? We are driving the
speed of Mach-F to the hospital while we eat oatmeal. I am pretty sure at that
moment our heads where not entirely clear. There were so many other things
racing through our minds that morning that little things like, rational thought
did not seep through the filters. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We met our wonder-surro at the L&D check in area and
were quickly assigned a room where we waited, something couples master the art
of when baby making with broken parts. Oddly,
I was at peace with waiting as long as it took that day. I think finally my jitters
and anxiety started to kick in. Here you have me, knees bruised from praying
for this child, fighting back the growing fears of if I will be a good mother.
Will I let all those people down who have cheered us on? Will the folks that
helped us fund raise to see me in this mother role think I am not the Donna Reid
meets Carol Brady type of mom they thought I would be? How about the IF
community? I see the finish line, it is right there and many of you reading
this right now are still licking your wounds from the last failed IVF or failed
adoption placement. Our Jellybean will be here that day and I am already
feeling like I will not be loving enough, have enough patience, protect her
from young hormonal teenage boys. It was at that point I felt the pressure of
every failed procedure, but more so I was terrified I will let my partner-in-infertility
down. <o:p></o:p></div>
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14 hours later, we got the green light that our wonder-surro
was dilated to 10 centimeters. We had requested to the hospital staff that
immediately after the birth I wanted to do skin on skin contact and try to
breastfeed. Since I did not carry Jellybean it was important to me that we
started the bonding process immediately. The L&D staff was so accommodating
to our unique birthing situation. They sectioned off an area with a rocking
chair, fitted me with a gown for easy booby access. Our wonder-surro was amazing and even asked
me if I wanted to hold her leg while she pushed, and if Chris would cut the
umbilical cord. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The doctor came in, the table of instruments rolled up to
the center of the room, the blinding lights turned on and the once bed our
wonder-surro laid in turned into a birthing table with stirrups. Chris jokingly
refers to it as a medical version of a Transformer. My stomach dropped, my
throat started to tighten and she started to push. Now, the whole day of
dilation checks Chris stared at his shoe laces. This time however we were on a
crotch watch of a different kind. We saw this wrinkled up dark haired round
object first. Chris and I both talked about it later that day but we agreed
that we had the same fear that Jellybeans brain was on the outside of her head.
Silly right? Four pushes later, we got the first glimpse of her. She was
perfect in every way, brain on the inside for those interested. Someone had put
a needle in the balloon of pressure I had built up. All of those thoughts and
fears had deflated when I took the first glimpse of her. I can say in that
moment, everything was washed clean from the past years of our infertile
purgatory. She was worth the wait. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Chris: To recap
Candace’s part, it was a crazy long day.
We were terrified at every second that something would go wrong and we
would literally get to the precipice of being parents only to be turned away
again. And then, in the smallest
fraction of a second, we were turned from infertiles trying to be parents, to
infertiles that were parents!! Now what?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thing is, we have been steeped in all of the research,
experiences, and lore of infertility, and we have not done our due diligence at
thinking about how to be parents. That
showed right away as Grayson, in a moment that so poignantly brought this into
focus, pooped all over my hands. I
literally was with her for about 30 seconds and she decided that now was as
good of a time as any to introduce herself to me. It was sticky, black, and not nearly as
appealing as it sounds. Funny thing
though, I didn’t mind a bit. If there
was anyone’s poop that I wanted on my hands, after waiting for her for so long,
I was over the moon that it was our child’s.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Candace’s introduction to infertile parenting was a bit more
graceful and, yet again, showed us the true beauty that is all around us. I know Candace already covered this, but I
wanted to weigh in on this moment too. The most amazing part to me was that
Candace was actually able to nurse Grayson right there! We were so worried about how Grayson would
interact with us. She didn’t hear
Candace’s voice while she was in the womb.
I didn’t get to play with Grayson at night while she kicked the crap out
of Candace’s organs (our surro would text us to tell us her spleen was really
getting wailed on some nights). Grayson means so many things to us (hope,
determination, kindness, altruism), but in that moment, she meant one thing,
completion. As I stood there, with
gloved hands and activity all around me, I kind of got tunnel vision. I saw my wife nursing my daughter and nothing
else. There was nothing else we needed …
we were complete. And to think, just a
few minutes later I would be covered in Grayson’s poop! I wonder if Candace had a similar
transcendental experience seeing me?<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have Grayson, she is nursed and gotten her very first
exam, now what? Our wonder-surro was
being tended to and we wanted her to see Grayson before making the trip up to
the nursery. We brought Grayson to her
and let her hold Grayson for a bit.
Then, it was off to the nursery.
We watched them give Grayson a more thorough exam, give her a sponge
bath, and put her under the heating lamp.
She had to stay there an hour and the nurses told us that she would need
to stay there for an hour and we should use the cafeteria opening for the
midnight shift to get something to eat. Reluctant
as we were, we succumbed to their suggestions.
I can say now, retrospectively, that part of me thought we would be
coming back to the news of some terrible, albeit totally unpredicted,
complication and Grayson would be taken away.
Yep, the whole infertility robbing you of peaceful, rational thinking
strikes again. When we got back though,
Grayson was fine and we got the opportunity to wheel her into our room.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Our room. Awesome
hospital staff comes through major here.
For normal pregnancy (what’s that?), you have a room on the mother-child
ward. For us though, there was no
recovery after labor for Candace. The
hospital had 2 nursing rooms right across the hall from the nursery and they
offered to let us shack up in those for the entire time Grayson was in the
hospital! Yep, we were literally 6 feet
from the door to the nursery. Awesome
because we were peppering the nurses with questions the whole time we were there! They even had one of those super
uncomfortable “Daddy beds” that they had in the mother-child rooms. Guess where I slept that first night? In the Daddy bed. It sucked, my sleep sucked, and Candace
couldn’t understand why. I simply
explained that I finally had a reason to do it and this would literally be my
only opportunity to do so. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We were in the hospital for two and a half days. We met with a lactation consultant twice and
asked the nurses about a bajillion questions.
I don’t think even as we were leaving that it had really sunk in that we
were parents. How could it? We had been chasing after this dream for so
long, all we knew was how not to be parents.
Even now, we look at Grayson and somewhere, in a dark recess of our
being, we still think that she will disappear.
That somehow this is some amazing dream and we will wake up with our
trashcan of negative pregnancy tests and containers of used needles still wet
with IVF meds. But we are parents now,
infertile parents, and there are new and unexpected differentiating things that
separate us from a “normal” set of parents, more on that in future posts
though. Grayson is home and we are
learning what it means to be parents, to have truly unconditional love, and how
to face those dirty diapers we prayed so hard for. They are fine with us though, the dirtier the
better. We have Grayson and retaining a
sense of smell seems insignificant compared to that.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Bored and need something fun and exciting to do? Well want no more my friend, here is what you can do! Do you remember back in April (National Infertility Awareness Week) when we were challenged to write about a specific topic “<a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-about-surviving.html#.U73ac7Ag9Dw" target="_blank">Resolve to Know More About</a>…?” Well, that is the post that secured our nomination for the Hope Award Best Blog. So here is what you need to do:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Cast your vote <a href="http://www.resolve.org/vote" target="_blank">HERE </a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Share, Share, Share. More votes for “Our Misconception” = #winning!<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thank you for supporting us, our journey and reading our misadventures in the land of IF. </div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-50151900195886744772014-07-09T21:02:00.001-04:002014-07-10T18:21:24.783-04:00The Gift of Life<div class="MsoNormal">
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After seven years, it is not very easy to figure out how to
start this post. We had our baby seems
appropriate enough … or maybe this is better – WE HAD OUR BABY!!!!!!! </div>
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We will go into more details in our next post
but we wanted everyone to see our story through the amazing eyes of the folks
that shot our birth video, Sarah and Justin from <a href="http://www.lovellproductions.com/" target="_blank">Lovell Productions</a>. Obviously, we will forever be indebted to our
wonder surro and her entire family!
Without them, we would not be all blurry eyed and sleep deprived from
our daughter, Grayson (a.k.a. Jelly Bean) needing to be fed at all hours of the
night. One short comment on that though,
we heard from a lot of parents around us to “wait” until we have to deal with
the loss of sleep and all the hardships and then we will revisit our desires to
have a child. Well, we are there. 3-4 hours of sleep tops, dirty diapers, and
lots of wardrobe changes from getting spit-up on them. Guess what, we love it. We are not tired from drinking a keg of
sorrows the night before, we are not changing diapers from gambling with
whether we could make it to the bathroom or not and losing, and we are not
doing wardrobe changes because we are starring in a musical about infertile
hysteria. Nope, we are in the trenches
of newborn care and are loving it.
Alright, enough drabble, please enjoy the video from <a href="http://www.lovellproductions.com/" target="_blank">Lovell Productions</a>
and keep reading about some more exciting news in the lives of us, the
infertile editors!</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/100315508?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0&color=ff9933" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/100315508">The Gift of Life</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/lovellproductions">Lovell Productions</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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On top of all this, we are incredibly honored and truly
humbled by <a href="http://www.resolve.org/" target="_blank">Resolve </a>and our amazetastic readers to
have been nominated for the Hope Award Best Blog. WHHHHHAAAAT? I peed a little,
(ok, ok, busted, maybe a lot) out in immense excitement when I opened up that
email that said we were 1 of 5 blogs in the running to win such. There were
over 130+ that were submitted! The Hope
Award is an annual award given to someone who writes about what it's like living
with infertility and passionately fostering awareness of the disease through
their words, electronically speaking. Uhm, Uh hem, over here!! Choose us!</div>
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Do you remember back in April (National Infertility
Awareness Week) when we were challenged to write about a specific topic “<a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2014/04/resolve-to-know-more-about-surviving.html#.U73ac7Ag9Dw" target="_blank">Resolve to Know More About</a>…?”
Well, that is the post that secured our nomination. SO what is behind curtain #2 if we win? A
NEEEEWWWWWW CAR!!! I kid, even better really. We are presented with the Hope
Award at the Night of Hope Gala in NYC in November. This is like the Heisman
trophy of infertility bloggers…THUMP…Yeah sorry, just passed out from excitement
again. At this point it is in the hands
of YOU. No pressure right? So here is what you need to do:<o:p></o:p></div>
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Cast
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Share, Share, Share. More votes for “Our Misconception” =
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17265396069741941592noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-9148720934284030352014-07-01T14:30:00.000-04:002014-07-01T14:30:00.330-04:005 Things to Have Ready Before a Surrogacy Birth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCTd21Hj5HQxrfctkgoslhETe0Jp-BjD-wB4M3clx-x6iJfeUoJDADkNX-GiVLhYWmwBVugHBqLR4irBjKBG-zzW9kR4sSwhzWwZmATN9d1-Wo7bmKImOeHtA02KHoJm_xtBsqfY5pdwmq/s1600/5+Things.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCTd21Hj5HQxrfctkgoslhETe0Jp-BjD-wB4M3clx-x6iJfeUoJDADkNX-GiVLhYWmwBVugHBqLR4irBjKBG-zzW9kR4sSwhzWwZmATN9d1-Wo7bmKImOeHtA02KHoJm_xtBsqfY5pdwmq/s1600/5+Things.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Organized or OCD?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Some will call me OCD, but for the sake of this post we will
say it is a healthy balance between the two. It is time to start getting ready.
OK so not just getting ready but REALLY getting ready. Now at any point, we
could get a call. We must have everything in order, but wait this is not a
normal pregnancy scenario. It is a surrogacy which adds a whole lot of other
steps and parties into the mix. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">1. Create a Mountain of
Bags by the Door</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">One would think we were moving in! But really, we have a lot
of people to think about. Chris and I will be staying at the hospital. It
always surprises people when we tell people that. It also doesn’t hurt that I
will be breastfeeding, hence I am the food source. Aside from the nutritional
benefits and the breast being best, another pretty good reason why I wake up
every night pre-Jellybean at 3 am to pump. I’m just securing my spot, calling
out “Shotgun” if you will on a room. Boobies are a magical thing. A nice rack
can get you out of a speeding ticket, buy you free drinks in college and also
help you get a room to spend the hospital days and nights with your surro-baby.
Who knew?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pack Our Bag- There is not a lot of “storage” room at
hospitals. Hospitals are a far cry away from being a posh-swanky hotel. The
mindset is get in and get out, and everyone is cool with that motto. So we have to pack light and use the “roll”
technique. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pack our bag- a change of clothes for 2 days, minimalist
toiletries and makeup, camera, cell phone charger and comfort snacks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pack Her Bag- I put together a bag of items to help foster
comfort while our wonder-surro was pulling the heavy duty. Fun toiletries that she may not have, new
PJs, comfort snacks/unhealthly delicious junk food, stool softener, pads- AKA-
The Red Boats and magazines. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pack Jellybean’s Bag- This is hard because what the hell do
I pack? For many years I have dreamt about the day I hold my child for the
first time. Never once have I put any thought into what to pack for newborn or
for that matter, what epic outfit to bring her home in. I did ask the hospital
what I should bring and here was the list they recommended: a few onesies/easy
access out fits, mits for their little hands (they don’t have these typically
and little babies have Freddy Kruger nails), a cap, a car seat- already
installed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">2. Birth Plan</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is go time! I imagine Chris and I looking at each other
and saying OH SHIT! Then running around bumping into each other in a panicked
frenzy so we can get to the hospital before our wonder surro has a messy car
birth. At least this is the image I have in my head. Really, that likely will
not be the case. With labor, it can take hours. Don’t get me wrong here
though, I will be hauling ass (at a safe
speed) like Earnhart Jr. bobbing and weaving through traffic to the hospital
the moment we get the Jellybean green light, but no need to have a complete
spazout. Through all of that chaos we have to call our lawyer first, and any
other family second. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">May also want to consider the importance of discussing a head
of time how to communicate. At the first sign of physiological change it is
good to keep all relevant parties looped in. You want to talk over the method
of communication and emergency numbers to contact you at. Obviously a Facebook
message, smoke signal or random tweet are examples of ways you should not
deliver the “hey I am going into labor, come meet me at the hospital” news.
Also, will she want to see the baby that day or rest and wait for the following
day? Who should be present via c-section and who should be present if it is a
vaginal birth? Since it is a sensitive
time, it is probably best to keep outsiders down to a minimum during the actual
birth. Everyone can visit after the baby, wonder surro and parents have had
time to clean up, rest and recover. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">3. Don't Forget the Nursing Staff</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Chris and I are no strangers to hospitals. We have spent
many weeks getting to know nursing staff. They have a tough job and they have
to deal with extreme situations when emotions are high. So in C&C fashion
we made “thank you” baggies to give to the hospital staff. One for the maternity mother/baby nurses the
other for the nursery nurses. Each little baggie is filled with Hershey’s Hugs
and Jellybeans with the saying: Hugs and Kisses for taking care of our
Jellybean!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">4. Furbaby Care</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Your furbaby(s) need to have a plan as well. Who will be the
caretaker? Do you have a bag of food, treats or ‘trizzles’ (so thug) as we like
to call them already packed and ready? We even have a blanket packed in our
diaper bag that we will wrap up Jellybean in and then send home to our little
cold nose family member so they can get pre-acquainted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;">5. Paperwork</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah, yes the most important item other than the car seat, in
order to bring home your little one. Surrogacy creates a lot of paper work. Bear in mind that every state and hospital is
different but this is what we must have with us to make certain everything goes
smoothly:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<ol>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The </span>Entrustment<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Agreement</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Both signed copies of the surrogacy contract</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Cord blood paperwork</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Affidavit of Physician Performing Assisted Conception</span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Copy of signed (once baby is born) </span>Entrustment<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Agreement and
a request in writing to the insurance company</span></li>
</ol>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"> {SCREAM} </span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">So much to think about that I needed away to get organized! Check
out </span><a href="http://www.unoriginalmom.com/best-baby-shower-gift-ever/" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">this</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> idea I got off of my </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7/" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">collection</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">.</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">A pretty snazzy folder to organize and
help find a place for all surrogacy- hospital- baby related material you have
or will acquire throughout the process. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">The
link above even has print outs, but I wrote in my own since our situation is a
little different. Here is a picture of the one I created for Jellybean.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMfR7lqCyRyVDj2ofqlra5m98E9zTOX0IY-B9y5bAuZZA8qatFgdW0A628rVdyt3JTH51ufYxWpe31krFY9bS7863upJ5Ba6RvissUhe2_OMw_eAJrmozrN1UsL6w1HCvnpyTyfriz3pSr/s1600/Binder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMfR7lqCyRyVDj2ofqlra5m98E9zTOX0IY-B9y5bAuZZA8qatFgdW0A628rVdyt3JTH51ufYxWpe31krFY9bS7863upJ5Ba6RvissUhe2_OMw_eAJrmozrN1UsL6w1HCvnpyTyfriz3pSr/s1600/Binder.jpg" height="226" width="320" /></a></div>
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I added the following tabs:</div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Surrogacy
Documents</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Pediatrician
Visits</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Immunization
Records</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Nursing/Feeding
Info</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Birth
Certificate and Social Security Card</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Insurance</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Receipts and
Warranties</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Other Health
Records</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Parenting
Articles</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Keepsakes</span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Miscellaneous</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p>Alright, I think we are prepared. Kinda, sorta, maybe? At least now that I have my 5 point check list done along with my baby binder, I will </o:p>have all requested
documents and items at the ready for us to take home our little miracle. Sometimes a little OCDness can come in handy
especially when there is so much to remember! Ready or not Jellybean we are
ready for YOU!</span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-12151324932073106062014-06-23T17:05:00.000-04:002014-06-23T17:05:00.251-04:00She Doesn't Look Pregnant?<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitU6X4jT0ArZJ6euZUxd9razNiT5_Fpj3dVfI88CgVAw5T8xmwSUDvM62A5sCoWKySyxCBuYBGnsmxGq7I3s9aa8ooi7luRGSkwG-wy6W7USenZ_DBL2Ah-5ULc-Gb95VRjsXkK7_1AlpM/s1600/she+doesnt+look.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitU6X4jT0ArZJ6euZUxd9razNiT5_Fpj3dVfI88CgVAw5T8xmwSUDvM62A5sCoWKySyxCBuYBGnsmxGq7I3s9aa8ooi7luRGSkwG-wy6W7USenZ_DBL2Ah-5ULc-Gb95VRjsXkK7_1AlpM/s1600/she+doesnt+look.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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Chris- At least, that is what I feel them saying with their looks. Whenever we meet someone that doesn’t know
what is going on with Candace and I and we happily announce that we will soon
be having a baby they do a few things almost every time. They smile back at us, their eyes meander
down to Candace’s stomach in an attempt to gauge just ‘how’ pregnant she is,
then in a mixed sense of confusion and feeling like they are being lied to,
their eyes slowly meander back to our faces half expecting for us to pose with
a ‘Gotcha’ look and half expecting for us to apologize for lying to them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And there we stand, the 2, 3, or 4 of us at an impasse. How much of our story do we divulge? Do we go into the events of the last seven
years that led us to meeting our wonder surro, the frozen blastocyst transfer,
the tense 2 week wait, the guarded optimism that we could actually be parents
very soon? Do they care? Do any of us have enough time for all
that? Do we want them to know all that? What we typically do is say, or blurt out
really, that we have a surrogate that is carrying for us. But then, a few interesting things
happen. First what goes on outside of my
crazy head and then what goes on inside my head. So, what goes on outside my head is that
sometimes people will take a second look down at Candace’s stomach. It almost seems like there Superman laser
vision is looking right through her to where her uterus should be, like it is a
‘just making sure she isn’t really pregnant and playing it off kind of
look.’ Weird right? <o:p></o:p></div>
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What goes on in my head is probably a bit of good ol’
fashioned Chris insecurity shining through.
In that moment, right after we announced how blessed we are to have a
surrogate, I start to have these thoughts of “Do they think we are doing this
because it is fashionable and we have piles of money or something?” “Do they realize that were it not for our
surrogate we would not be able to have a biological child?” “Are they judging us for not adopting?” This fury of thoughts bouncing around in my
head ultimately boils down to “Are they happy for us or judging us as some kind
of yuppie couple enamored with current trends?”
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Candace- I walked into a baby boutique recently with a friend that was about a
month further along than I, we? ahhh sigh... The lady took note of her
appearance and with a huge ear to ear grin began the barrage of questioning.
When is the due date? Boy or Girl? And it goes on and on and onnnnnn. For me,
her eyes glaze past me unnoticeably and I get asked if I am shopping for my
friend. At that exact point I have the Hoover Dam of emotions, thoughts,
sarcastic remarks brimming to escape. I selfishly want to be noticed that we
are expecting. Is that wrong? For some this maybe an annoyance for us though we
are busting at the seams with joy and anticipation of our newest mini-human. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I could just pacify the situation and not tell the clerk
that I am shopping for my unborn 37 week bun in another oven. Quietly nod and continue
to go about my browsing. Or, take the the bitter infertile approach which consists of going on an irate tyrant on how my uterus
is stupid, missing womb, shots, cervical
mucus, <a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2013/01/mr-ultrasound-wand.html#.U5hXMfldWSo" target="_blank">Mr. Ultrasound Wand</a> blah blah blah… and then an hour later I get to the point that I have a surrogate
carrying our baby. Most likely though I could breakout the most shocking response of all (the truth), and smiling proudly say that we are 37 weeks along via surrogacy. What happens after I reveal our situation though, typically is the following response: <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i><b>1. I get the empathetic look
of ultimate pity.</b><o:p></o:p></i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
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Please do not pity me as I am proud of our journey and the
milestones we accomplished to get to this point. Our marriage is stronger. My
appreciation for life is sweeter and my will is much tougher now. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><b>2. He/She is utterly
surprised it is biologically our baby.</b><o:p></o:p></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
#Science!</div>
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<o:p></o:p><br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i><b>3. I get asked if our
surrogate lives with us.</b><o:p></o:p></i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Most surrogates become a surrogate because they know they
have a gift, they are people makers. They are selfless women and families who want to truly
bless childless couples. More so, they
fully know that it is a gift as many of them are mothers. They are also a wife,
and a daughter, a friend to someone. They have other lives than just surrogacy. So no, our
wonder surro lives with her husband and kids, in her own home. Shocking, yes?<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
There is a wide open door opportunity to educate others here.
This is a chance to talk about my IF-PTSD and ultimately bring light to a topic
that most are ashamed to talk about. Many people know what IVF is, or have an
inkling about adoption. The majority of the population do not know about
surrogacy. The thing is people are curious by nature. If I can fuel that
curiosity and share our story just maybe my words will resonate and they can
support someone they know or maybe they are the ones struggling in silence and
need that one simple invite to open up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Chris Again: Although
the looks we get when we say we are expecting soon are awkward, they pale in
comparison to the awesome that is the fact that We Are Expecting Soon. Just like my brain surgeries and many other
obstacles in life, it sometimes seems like we can’t get out from under the
shadow of IF. You know what though … I
kind of like the shade. Candace and I
plan to tell our Jelly Bean about how amazing it was for her to be conceived
(in a fertility clinic), about how amazing it was while she was pregnant (in
someone else’s uterus), and how amazing it is to tell others about her
(befuddled looks and all). Will Candace
and I ever escape the menacing shadow of infertility? No. But with so much love, support, shared
prayers, shared tears, and shared hopes, why would we want to? <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px;">Kinda like our blog? How about showing us some sweet bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" style="color: #29d0c7; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Twitter</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px;">, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" style="color: #29d0c7; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Facebook</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px;"> and </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" style="color: #29d0c7; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; font-style: italic; line-height: 28.79px;">! </span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-67464463275411413462014-06-17T15:00:00.000-04:002014-06-17T15:39:55.731-04:00What a Night<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
A<span style="font-family: inherit;">nother evening, Jelly Bean-less, and Candace and I are
biting our nails waiting for that call, waiting for that moment when our little
one decides that she is ready to make our debut. One thing is for sure though, after seven
years, we are not waiting alone! We had
the most amazing experience involving something that would, to the outside
non-IFer seem like nothing, maybe even an inconvenience. We had friends over, more about them in a
minute, and they had a little one. A
nine month old, named baby cuteness for the purposes of this post. Well, we were excited to have this couple
over as they have been a huge resource, huge cheerleaders, and huge guides for
us as we have been going through all things surrogacy. They too have had to face family building
difficulties. If you want to know more
about who we are talking about, read about their amazing strength as they got
to know, love, and ultimately were forced to say goodbye to <a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2012/10/remembering-sophia.html#.U48ta_ldWSo" target="_blank">Sophia</a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Overcoming an insurmountable tragedy and coming out all the
better on the other side would be an understatement for how amazing this couple
is! Suffice it to say, Candace and I have
great admiration for them. So, back to
tonight. We were excited to show them
our-still empty-nursery (bear with me folks, I will explain that sentiment more
in a bit). As we were showing them the
nursery it became clear that Baby Cuteness was more interested in exploring
every nook and cranny than any of us were.
So, Candace and I broke out all the toys that we accumulate for Jelly
Bean for Baby Cuteness to try out.
Unbeknownst to our guests, this was an amazing moment for Candace and I,
as we sat there watching Baby Cuteness playing with all of these things, it
became that much more real that we “could” have a baby soon and experience
similar things with her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What do you mean “could” Chris, your baby is due very soon?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Although that seems like the logical response, Candace and I
don’t necessarily feel that. Don’t get
me wrong, we are over the moon that we will hopefully soon be parents, but for
us, it won’t be concrete until we hold her in our hands. Until I change her first diaper, I don’t know
if I will believe I am actually blessed enough to be deserving of this
child. Overcautious, absolutely! Unanticipated, no way! Candace and I, as is true for most of you,
have thought we were close so many times before, only to have the rug ripped
out from underneath us. And each time,
we fell. We fell hard. Sometimes that rug that was pulled out from underneath
us didn’t reveal the floor. No, much
worse, it revealed a nearly bottomless pit that Candace and I tumbled
into. We weren’t clawing with our hands
for something to grab onto. We were
pushing our hearts, out hoping that something would embrace it with a loving
grasp, only to find our hopes and aspirations meant with an abysmal emptiness …
sound familiar? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whew, dark place.
Come back Chris! All that is to
say that Candace and I are guarded. We
can’t take a fall so hard again. It will
splinter our soul irreversibly. As we
stood there, watching Baby Cuteness play with all of the toys readied for Jelly
Bean, I felt assurance. I felt joy and
peace. I felt “Yes, you are going to be
a parent.” We have a bit longer to go,
we have more time to wait and fear and pray that nothing goes awry. But in that moment, with Baby Cuteness
marauding all over our nursery, we saw a glimpse of what could be our little
Jelly Bean in there, checking out every surface, exploring every inch, nearly
falling on every corner, and learning about what it means to exist. It was a truly transcendental experience and
certainly the capstone to my day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We can’t predict the future.
We can’t say for certain that some incredibly rare complication will
take Jelly Bean from us FAR TOO soon. We
CAN enjoy each moment (advice from great friends). We CAN pray that Jelly Bean will be
healthy. We CAN share all of our hopes
and fears with each other and those we call close. We CAN say goodbye to today and hello to
tomorrow and all the hopes and aspirations that tomorrow brings. Until we hold Jelly Bean, the fear of not
having her will be ever present. When we
hold her, the love we have reserved for nearly a decade will explode … hope the
hospital has sturdy furniture.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKupzUTo_lQ5nAw0tOGEW0GsmpYO3YVGKLTxjMfbu1bSq-IuVlJ7DeOpEPDoS-HjxJjD5HnKu9Qvq19nIoq35HoN5_XNaK5xaQZuj1SQ6BzynYWXdgRv-nH7TenkRHIu6CJpb_1HAavZHo/s1600/What+a+night+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKupzUTo_lQ5nAw0tOGEW0GsmpYO3YVGKLTxjMfbu1bSq-IuVlJ7DeOpEPDoS-HjxJjD5HnKu9Qvq19nIoq35HoN5_XNaK5xaQZuj1SQ6BzynYWXdgRv-nH7TenkRHIu6CJpb_1HAavZHo/s1600/What+a+night+pic.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<i style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; line-height: 28.79px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you like our blog, how about showing us some serious bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on <a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>! </span></i></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-82267497080023297502014-06-10T08:00:00.000-04:002014-06-10T08:00:11.571-04:00Anniversi-What?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtf8xoyCAkZQ87Xri0Ghr7Y7jfG-pUGPdYIGDNF3H66KyOATlFW0OnXvvWtex75sZBXGZkpbvojv2wCdFDbM9kLxx_Rka8lBWWqxNuL8vGJYKM4OGW3OUMdYjEBVxnfjvZQSGkGbW-JN-i/s1600/Anniversary+Post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtf8xoyCAkZQ87Xri0Ghr7Y7jfG-pUGPdYIGDNF3H66KyOATlFW0OnXvvWtex75sZBXGZkpbvojv2wCdFDbM9kLxx_Rka8lBWWqxNuL8vGJYKM4OGW3OUMdYjEBVxnfjvZQSGkGbW-JN-i/s1600/Anniversary+Post.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Guys, we have all done it … forgotten about some monumental
occasion in our relationship with our significant other, neglected to mention
or even notice that she left that morning with flowing locks of hair and came
home with a crew cut, failed to comment on how beautiful she looked in her new
dress. Admit it gents, it has happened
to you. They can’t hold us down if we
are united in our aloofness guys! One
thing that I haven’t done, thankfully, is forget about our wedding
anniversary. Whew, that is a relief. Forgetting that is an automatic 6 months in
the dog house with the next six months expected to be dedicated to planning for
the next anniversary. Nope, never been
in that situation and I feel very bad for those that have. My man-heart goes out to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Candace and I are getting ready to celebrate our 10-year
wedding anniversary and, as we have gone through a lot of changes and are
getting ready to go through a lot more changes, I recently was reflecting on
everything we have done for our anniversaries over the years and how our life
events have orchestrated what we have done.
Here is a brief run-down of the standouts. First year, of course we went all out. We stayed in the honeymoon suite of a 4-star
beachfront hotel. We ate a
balls-expensive dinner and lived it up for an entire weekend! Second anniversary, fairly similar. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Our third and fourth anniversaries were very different. I had my brain surgeries the October before
each of these anniversaries so I had limitations. Our fourth surgery actually, we went to a
secluded mountain resort thing with no TV and no phone in the room. We wanted to get away from beeping
electronics and people and the overwhelming busy-ness of medical drama. Fifth anniversary though, different
story. We lived it up! I was tumor free! We went to a fancy resort where I got in
trouble for not wearing a suit coat to dinner.
That pissed me off a bit and I went up to the room, got my super cheap
jacket (my shoes cost more), put that on, went to my table, promptly took it
off, and made sure to be boisterous about holding that jacket over my arm on
the way out of the restaurant. Dress
code stuff is stupid to me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, digression aside, at about our fifth anniversary is
when we started to delve into the scary world of IVF. Guess what happened, our anniversary
celebrations deflated dramatically.
Huh? Wait, isn’t family building
supposed to be easy? Right guys? We get to ‘practice’ all we want right? Nudge nudge in the locker room … tons of sex
… oh the uninformed. Yep, scheduled sex
where all we are focusing on is trying to get pregnant is super erotic, like
new age porn or something right? Not
sure about you guys, but it was everything but that for me. So, here we go, anniversaries after starting
IVF: sixth anniversary-wine tasting at a park, seventh anniversary-don’t even
remember, eighth anniversary-dinner at a place that we wouldn’t normally go to,
ninth anniversary-not a damn thing.
Crazy right? Why the big
change? Why didn’t we fly to Vegas? Rent a private jet to New Zealand? Train with the Chinese acrobats? Because we were flat broke, timing everything
around Candace’s ovulation cycle, and burning through home pregnancy
tests. Our day started with thinking
about our next IVF round and taking shots, and it ended with … thinking about
our next round of IVF and taking shots.
Our world revolved around foods to improve fertility, meditation to
promote embryo implantation, and a foot soak to do something (have to ask Candace
about that one). Such is the life of a
pair of inferts (my catchy name for a couple suffering with infertility-do you
like it) such as us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Where am I going with all this? We don’t normally dribble on about
meaningless stuff so I apologize if I have utilized your attention for futility,
I hope I bring it all together here … big hope!
Our tenth anniversary is coming up.
That is BIG time, right? 10
years! We are past the honeymoon phase,
past the 7 year itch, past Candace realizing how often I fart and burp, past 2
brain surgeries, past 7 years of infertility and now hoping to meet our Jelly
Bean soon. And, what are we planning on
doing? Going somewhere not too expensive
for dinner and not too far away. No
fanfare, no extravagant trips, no fancy gifts.
We are way too focused on not missing an instant of what will be our
only biological child … ever … coming into the world. And you know what, in retrospect, we couldn’t
be happier. We did it. We celebrated rock star style for the earlier
anniversaries and although we would love to live it up at a rave in Spain or
something for our tenth anniversary, it’s not in the cards. Why?
We are definitely flat broke, definitely worried something is going to
go wrong, definitely holding our breath and afraid to travel to the next zip
code for fear of missing some monumental second in our little one’s life. We are terrified, not scared, petrified! We have come so far, worked so hard, and
prayed so much that our Jelly Bean will be healthy and be delivered by our
Wonder-Surro with no complications that our tenth anniversary seems to pale in
comparison to the importance of all that we are facing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have known Candace for 13.5 years (She has known me for 13
… ask her about that). We have been
married for almost 10 years. She is my
closest friend, my confidant, my source of stability when my world falls
apart. You know how to tell you have
found ‘The One,’ when being around them makes you a better person. That is my Candace. We battled a brain tumor and have been battling
infertility for what seems like forever and did nothing but get closer. If your boat in the tumultuous seas of life
is similar to ours, I hope that you always look towards your loved one with
hope and admiration. No matter how tough
and scary the storms get, you will make it through. You, together, will survive. For our tenth anniversary, we will celebrate
each other and celebrate what we hope will be the product of that love. Happy anniversary Candace!</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<i style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-size: 18px; line-height: 28.79px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you like our blog, how about showing us some serious bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on <a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>! </span></i></div>
Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-6456336656540303232014-06-02T16:41:00.001-04:002014-06-02T16:41:26.782-04:00It is not the "S" Word, it is a Party for Jellybean<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Does anyone recall the movie <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/27_Dresses" target="_blank">27 Dresses</a> with Katherine
Heigl? For the past decade that has been me but instead of weddings it is with
baby showers. I have thrown countless showers for so many of my friends. The majority of who
started trying to build their families long after Chris and I. This is an important
detail because at all of these said showers I have slunked off to an isolated
bathroom or on the drive home and cried my little infertile heart out. I have
admittedly gotten pretty sloppy drunk at a few as well, really I personally
recommend it. It helps pass the time and takes the edge off. Just don't drink and baby shower drive. For others, I have
faked a terrible bout of IBS to get out of my showerly duties. (For those who
are not regular readers, this is a typical “fall back excuse” I sometimes use
to get out of uncomfortable IF situations). See previous post on how to survive said showers <a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2013/03/baby-showers-in-forecast-survival-101.html#.U4zd6_ldWSo" target="_blank">here</a>. Since we have always been the
spectator and never the spector, I also have friends who were standing in line
for a bit of redemption. More on that later. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I did not know how I felt about having a “baby
shower.” I mean, isn’t it where you and all of your friends and family
stand around and grope all over your stomach, violate your personal space and
you complain about swollen ankles and heartburn? The thought of that makes my
eye twitch and it is safe to say I will not be doing the string game where you
guess the size of my belly. I don’t have one. Since there is a bitter
infertile deep down inside me I was not sure how I would take having a shower. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do I deserve one since I feel like I am just the coach, not
the player? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who do I ask to come? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Should our wonder surro come?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do I invite my fellow IFers?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">SO. MANY.QUESTIONS and lots to ponder... There is no
right answer I found, you will feel infertile guilt. I have friends, comrades,
fellow couples with waiting arms for a baby that are still waiting. Some
waiting much longer than Chris and I. How dare I gloat when I know all too well
the pain it can bring others? It is our turn, and there are still those
left in the trenches fighting the fight. So for those reading, I am
sorry. I have been in your shoes and partly I still am. I can say HOPE,
keep it in your heart the moment that it stops beating is when you give up.
Don’t. I will also warn you that the rest of this post will be of our
“Party for Jellybean” so go ahead and stop reading now if you need to. It is
O.K, there is no judgment here. I have been where you are, self-preservation
is a brave step. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">All of these emotions and thoughts were floating around in
my head. I feel funny calling it a baby shower. To me it actually
lessens the true impact of what it was for us. It was a party for Jellybean, a
celebration of determination and preparation for someone who is loved already
by so many. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">Chris said this to me right before we walked in hand in
hand, “Candace I prayed on the way to the party. I want to remember this
overwhelming joy I am feeling for the future when life becomes hard and when
things are not so great.” This was before we even stepped foot into the festivities.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">He was right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are a few pictures from our Milk and Cookies Party for
Jellybean…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXdFfsL-7oeyQrWB4aLRj6xuUo9qu1HAoA9_z8CqZ_0bZ9IUeFua_viipkLyQLlzZt5rHwcFIUEv5bSDWp18mM7bvZ6nB2hW54ai6UyPgT9jm56MILKdh69EnsodouqOo2hAiFJsj3Yhmb/s1600/10172730_10203841865308482_4162408487050545534_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXdFfsL-7oeyQrWB4aLRj6xuUo9qu1HAoA9_z8CqZ_0bZ9IUeFua_viipkLyQLlzZt5rHwcFIUEv5bSDWp18mM7bvZ6nB2hW54ai6UyPgT9jm56MILKdh69EnsodouqOo2hAiFJsj3Yhmb/s1600/10172730_10203841865308482_4162408487050545534_n.jpg" /></a></div>
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We pulled up to have personal parking signs equipped with flashing nights for that extra added ambiance. The "We makes it, she bakes it" is my personal favorite.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXJHainlrFydbRwKtNI9rIOxUH_ruXtsLxEmMvsBUKFEWSVOFVlhZ-zC9UZOzckSd_m0Ghs7pWxVtkzUMatqq5PwF4bIko1hIHrNIbBUtPR2zReO0cbbdGhfl71Vup9TY386U-b-kuaN3U/s1600/IMG_2459.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXJHainlrFydbRwKtNI9rIOxUH_ruXtsLxEmMvsBUKFEWSVOFVlhZ-zC9UZOzckSd_m0Ghs7pWxVtkzUMatqq5PwF4bIko1hIHrNIbBUtPR2zReO0cbbdGhfl71Vup9TY386U-b-kuaN3U/s1600/IMG_2459.JPG" height="220" width="320" /></a></div>
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They even made a sign for our Wonder Surro. Or in this case our Super Surro.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXKSKM_Tp1HD42MaOXqTR-eykOiTBnrlmmzrHBPGbhgspviX42YiHB3hHM9g4xgJUDHe0yJPamhXRBBBjCkQ1y5QPStvry7cbtjc57paVN7jnA240_RGUU2O76YYPiS6RP-ZrEMixYlq6/s1600/IMG_2493.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXXKSKM_Tp1HD42MaOXqTR-eykOiTBnrlmmzrHBPGbhgspviX42YiHB3hHM9g4xgJUDHe0yJPamhXRBBBjCkQ1y5QPStvry7cbtjc57paVN7jnA240_RGUU2O76YYPiS6RP-ZrEMixYlq6/s1600/IMG_2493.JPG" height="320" width="281" /></a></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">That cheesy-goofy</span></o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">smile that you see there, well that never left our faces. I have a </span>permanent<span style="font-family: inherit;"> grin even now from this day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0gzdwxRIUdgwVOilK7g8ocFYZnaP337LsanSfEVhW2Ejn-Go2Vnd6kJ7KGoL7FJRcphhEcUvRXPYs0uKVz5xfqtchleC-suM-635748xhlutnV7e8DUUTcaoYC81a8ED_oRxd9-oLcGyg/s1600/IMG_2486.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0gzdwxRIUdgwVOilK7g8ocFYZnaP337LsanSfEVhW2Ejn-Go2Vnd6kJ7KGoL7FJRcphhEcUvRXPYs0uKVz5xfqtchleC-suM-635748xhlutnV7e8DUUTcaoYC81a8ED_oRxd9-oLcGyg/s1600/IMG_2486.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A lot of folks drank a lot of Starbucks coffees to get those bottles. The favors were make and bake cookie mixes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiYdTMmrG07RWwCz-eoomhy7pPMnTahe9hfxcwrY6fUEo8K8PdvHds9JsvcbrmxpAR0lmZelZSlbTMpy3sUkAhsZijJLAnJiEaSZsM2iFZj5tOhzELJWC7p6rKN_JrDe_4S2YPIo4ab2ZS/s1600/IMG_2497.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiYdTMmrG07RWwCz-eoomhy7pPMnTahe9hfxcwrY6fUEo8K8PdvHds9JsvcbrmxpAR0lmZelZSlbTMpy3sUkAhsZijJLAnJiEaSZsM2iFZj5tOhzELJWC7p6rKN_JrDe_4S2YPIo4ab2ZS/s1600/IMG_2497.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></o:p>
<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">The party was jumpin' and the food was fantastic! #Thetwistedsisters. Everything was decorated so beautifully. #Wafflesandcrew</span></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggo284pGPUi0dG_u3ry2wR5pYKCYfR6V-ECNuK5H7kHXeWYX0ZQ7T97J7Ur-08f3gLprULUQzwnT_RT2I4xn59ZT3xTGQ9mfF-cJpk6HvLKQevypnKlY4thdmJW2yeZxBvAOv22ZKtIzrw/s1600/10294401_10202023682618329_4983323492247130572_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggo284pGPUi0dG_u3ry2wR5pYKCYfR6V-ECNuK5H7kHXeWYX0ZQ7T97J7Ur-08f3gLprULUQzwnT_RT2I4xn59ZT3xTGQ9mfF-cJpk6HvLKQevypnKlY4thdmJW2yeZxBvAOv22ZKtIzrw/s1600/10294401_10202023682618329_4983323492247130572_n.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: inherit;">And there were cookies, every where...</span></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM2wUUq_m1Ttx11kZ7At4LpZqxONzC_Ysd9J5G3QJ7tglzri4n_VtCFcxi45FXqYWSFP0OL78edAGhcKNnj-hXSfXVXAJodG5FjlaveQ_QXC45PvU9kBCVG1pOXOwfp8GbQt9734tGfwQy/s1600/IMG_2499.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM2wUUq_m1Ttx11kZ7At4LpZqxONzC_Ysd9J5G3QJ7tglzri4n_VtCFcxi45FXqYWSFP0OL78edAGhcKNnj-hXSfXVXAJodG5FjlaveQ_QXC45PvU9kBCVG1pOXOwfp8GbQt9734tGfwQy/s1600/IMG_2499.JPG" height="230" width="320" /></a></div>
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In the main hall was a onesie making station, bow making station, a unique guestbook signing area. Basically anything you can think of that is considered creative and cute for a party of this purpose was included. OH and did I mention booze? Yep, I, or we are all in the 3rd trimester and I can drink! Fringe benefits of broken plumbing. I seriously could have main veined the "adults only" punch it was THAT good.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiF47ttc-MZCnf76Los9txBsxdRv4z2_egN43wvCI9yLn2lvuNLlMoHqesQlf_bM73dngQAkdU9IZ6Fz68pe_amsfCeH7XOTTYJTlUCQbhhPtt7ssCsJaW5_2PZVpYU2-8jaFk44j-suF6/s1600/IMG_2506.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiF47ttc-MZCnf76Los9txBsxdRv4z2_egN43wvCI9yLn2lvuNLlMoHqesQlf_bM73dngQAkdU9IZ6Fz68pe_amsfCeH7XOTTYJTlUCQbhhPtt7ssCsJaW5_2PZVpYU2-8jaFk44j-suF6/s1600/IMG_2506.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is a demonstration of payback for many showers past. Our friends asked us a few questions separately prior to the party and then we had to guess what the other half would answer. For example, What kind of car is acceptable for Jellybean to drive? My answer a Sherman Tank. Chris got that one incorrect had to take a not so delicious bite of homemade baby food.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNI1z7p3rLLNwokiEDekVzpUoNelTP6P_2ch-6ffMAWanX0_6WKKDYXtIogbLMb-Oqy0p2SrCHo3EU0H8pOn32cg9wXuLet0VPp6E-FQEftWqu8SborM_u9q8NnjLVWIwJtXbL_w8zkvPR/s1600/dribbler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNI1z7p3rLLNwokiEDekVzpUoNelTP6P_2ch-6ffMAWanX0_6WKKDYXtIogbLMb-Oqy0p2SrCHo3EU0H8pOn32cg9wXuLet0VPp6E-FQEftWqu8SborM_u9q8NnjLVWIwJtXbL_w8zkvPR/s1600/dribbler.jpg" /></a></div>
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Yep that my friends is a "Crib Dribbler" for those days when you just want to sleep in or better yet can't find a baby sitter. Just set it and forget it... I kid I kid. It was a fake box that hosted more baby friendly gifts.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For so many years, I have detested baby showers with every
ounce of my being. Now, after many years and a very <a href="http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-dusty-onesie.html" target="_blank">dusty onesie</a>, I had a chance
to finally experience my own with Chris right next to me. That joy that Chris
described overfilled us that day and still lasts in my heart. It wasn't from
the gifts, balloons and all things baby-ness, it was the fact that we have made
it this far. We made it this far, one step closer and our friends and family
were there to share this day with us. More so they, our surro and our
everlasting hope made this day into a reality for us. Thank you everyone for
our Jellybean Soiree, we will remember this moment always. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now, for those who are still in back of the line of the baby
line and decided to subject yourself to all of the ooohhhs and ahhhs of our
party, know that we never knew when this day would happen. We are just like you
and waited, prayed and cried those same tears. The will of a woman who wants a
family is unbreakable. Trust your journey and trust your tears, for they will
lead to tears of joy. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-90146441500764707792014-05-27T08:55:00.003-04:002014-05-27T13:55:02.161-04:00 What to Expect on a Hospital Walk Though… When You Are Un-pregnant<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMAPFLZST9m8JL_iCoMWe2QPR7tDDbA1SWTi0q9GHrVZfUVZSGw3jshYJNz97jC-OQeFxF0s_TY3aZ0w6ZUGsKR9oNi09XI160CNJhgbd4DYR7kYpCSMl_NvkT3-U_p8YufpDu_BTIYRAt/s1600/Hospital+Walkthrough.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMAPFLZST9m8JL_iCoMWe2QPR7tDDbA1SWTi0q9GHrVZfUVZSGw3jshYJNz97jC-OQeFxF0s_TY3aZ0w6ZUGsKR9oNi09XI160CNJhgbd4DYR7kYpCSMl_NvkT3-U_p8YufpDu_BTIYRAt/s1600/Hospital+Walkthrough.png" height="262" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was very fidgety that day. “Well, this is awkward” I
thought to myself as we waited in the lobby along with two other very pregnant
couples. I found myself time warping back to that first day of grade
school. When I was a scrawny kid with stringy hair and always a day late and a
dollar short on the latest fashion. Don’t get me wrong, I had nice clothes but
for some reason we would take a “family” trip right before Labor Day weekend
and fore go back to school clothes shopping until later in the school
year. I also had a sweet “Dorothy Hamill” home-cut at one point. Yep, I didn’t even get the pleasure of a Rudy and Kelly special.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIJiVPLnIU1qN90hYvwAW-qvll0zijJ9aCp9YGnPSJ2C1_XfMarsgs2JCPiQxikwvOVp7yhccIuNqg_hmtI-CWqXqRyUPpIgwBUIZjcXSCTW3zRkgsWDWjGJIzsGNqTJyDeIvb2wL1hlEY/s1600/Dorothy+Pic.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIJiVPLnIU1qN90hYvwAW-qvll0zijJ9aCp9YGnPSJ2C1_XfMarsgs2JCPiQxikwvOVp7yhccIuNqg_hmtI-CWqXqRyUPpIgwBUIZjcXSCTW3zRkgsWDWjGJIzsGNqTJyDeIvb2wL1hlEY/s1600/Dorothy+Pic.png" height="209" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was one of those
80’s hairstyles that shall remain forever locked in the past never to resurface
again. OK, so I know I got off track here, but the point is I was a bit of a
sloppy mess. It was like the first day of school and I was the kid that stood out. I was not
like the others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We were different. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We stood out from the crowd.
I am pretty sure the other couples were wondering why we were even in the
hospital walk through tour to begin with. More so where was my belly bump? I did not have a
bump like the other women in the group. For Chris, he would be the newly nervous expectant dad, the coach on the side lines if you will. For me, I stood there walking
the halls watching the expectant mothers rub their growing bellies with a bit of </span>unwarranted<span style="font-family: inherit;"> envy. The
real shocker took place when the nurse who was conducting the tour asked each couple
when their due date was. The Q&A finally panned to us after stating our
due date which was around the same time as others, we watched their eyes scroll
from my face to my stomach and back to my face again. After a long pause we
then explained our unique surrogacy birthing situation. It was then that
everyone on the tour had an 'AH HA!' the light bulb has turned on kind of moment. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">That is when we realized our
nurse-guide was incredible. For every step of the tour she would in great
detail, talk through two separate situations. How a birth would go for
other couples and then what Chris and I should expect with our surrogacy birth.
As you can imagine we had a lot of questions. This is what we learned:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">NO TICKET! <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well it’s not as dramatic as in
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNseba-wHUc" target="_blank">Indiana Jones</a> but there are only 4 bracelets. 2 for baby, 1 for the person
giving birth and 1 for a guest. Although Chris and I could have played
paper-rock-scissors (which I always beat him in by the way), it was understood
that the last ticket would go to me. These tickets are like the Willy
Wonka and the Chocolate Factory golden tickets into the nursery. No ticket
means no getting to see the baby. So, where does that leave Chris?
In the hallway looking at his shoes? Well, we don’t have all of the
answers for this yet but we are hoping that when delivery day comes, we will be
able to get everything squared away with the maternity ward to make sure that
Chris has access to the nursery. We will let everyone know how that goes
… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Natural versus Cesarean<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speaking of a limited access
situation, what about natural birth vs cesarean? It turns out that with
natural birth the limitations on number of people allowed in the room are much
more relaxed relative to a cesarean situation. Now that is not to say
that you can have an entire roller derby team in there in full roller derby
regalia, but both Chris and I would be able to be in the room when our Jelly
Bean takes her first breath. Not the case if our surro needs a
cesarean. In that case she gets (1), not (2), not (1.5), not (1.1)
people, NO she gets (1) person. She wants that (1) person to be her
husband. Can you blame her? Chris and I are totally supportive of
this. It’s a big deal to get a cesarean and she wants her husband by her
side to help her through it, wouldn’t you? We are trying to work our mojo
to see if we can sneak into where the baby will go right after being extracted
from our surro but that is TBD. Stay tuned.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Name Changer<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Have you had that conversation yet
… what your baby’s name is going to be? Chris and I have. You know
what, we haven’t been able to narrow it down to one. We are down to 2 and
that is going to be what we walk in the hospital with. One thing that we
didn’t need to work to decide is what our Jelly Bean’s last name is going to be
… she will be born with our surro’s last name. WHAT?! It won’t be
your last name?! Nope. In Virginia, the baby will be born with our
surro’s last name and we have to file some paperwork to have the name
changed. Crazy right! Turns out that it will take a few months, up
to 6 actually, to get her birth certificate changed to our name. I’m
guessing that during that 6 months we may have other things to occupy our time,
but still, crazy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <b>Paperwork to Release Care
to Intended Parents<o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Yep. Although it is spelled
out explicitly in our contract that once the child is born the custody will be
transferred to us, we still need our surro to sign some paperwork indicating
her compliance with us having custodial responsibility for our Jelly
Bean. Although we do not anticipate any issues here, it is yet another
hoop both us and our surro have to jump through. No worries, we have
jumped through so many hoops at this point we get calls daily from Ringling
Brothers asking us to join their act. Sorry folks, the only circus we are
going to participate in will be the one going on between our room, our nursery,
and our living room. That’s enough for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Paternity Test<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“That ain’t my baby!” Jerry
Springer anyone? Turns out that yet another hoop to jump through is a
paternity test. We gotta make sure that our baby is our baby, or at least
Chris’s baby. Makes sense right. We need to make sure that our
surro didn’t happen to get pregnant at the exact time that we did our
blastocyst transfer. Chris has told me that he has good information that
this is simply not possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Surrogacy births are not a common
occurrence; as a matter of fact only 2 others have happened at our particular
hospital and my surrogate’s previous gestational birth was one of them. Just as we
had questions, so did our nurse-guide. She took this as an opportunity to learn
more. She also took a substantial amount of time to answer all of our
questions, and trust me we had a lot. I am unsure how Jellybean’s
hospital birth will be since I am not giving birth physically. It will not take
away the sting that I cannot experience birth. I am sure some of you reading
this are probably thinking “Is she nuts?” Labor is painful, it is messy and it
is awful! This is the constant struggle with life; we all want what we cannot
have. The grass is greener mentality. Instead of being the quarterback
making the touchdown I have trusted someone else with our precious ball. I will
stand hand in hand with Chris on the sidelines as the co-coach, as
equals. I know it will not be typical in the business of birthing, I know
it will be different. I know it will be part of our very unique journey to
parenthood and I cannot wait. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: 28.79px; text-align: justify;">HEY YOU! Yes you!</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i style="background-color: white; color: #392e1c; font-family: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: 28.79px; text-align: justify;"> If you like our blog, how about showing us some serious bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on <a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" style="color: #29d0c7; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>! </i></span></div>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-61944687691596696842014-05-19T08:56:00.000-04:002014-05-19T08:56:20.010-04:00Journal Your Journey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAv3jGVqJBuTpRz1rzbCz1TLgs0gw5Hutoksh9byu-ReLy0xUJf17MWDtVefA7pZsMxcFYwWEgBZG8CLQzsc6qvUrBxV-Pz6Gs6g1s-NQhuAQtCTXVdMlcyC1zsE_Egy1SPKg0nmFYYnSX/s1600/jour.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAv3jGVqJBuTpRz1rzbCz1TLgs0gw5Hutoksh9byu-ReLy0xUJf17MWDtVefA7pZsMxcFYwWEgBZG8CLQzsc6qvUrBxV-Pz6Gs6g1s-NQhuAQtCTXVdMlcyC1zsE_Egy1SPKg0nmFYYnSX/s1600/jour.png" height="188" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">Let me know if you have asked this question before: “Hey
honey, did I give you all your shots today?” </span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: justify;">If you have, chances are, you have gone through the rigors
of IVF. From stimulation to retrieval to implantation to the dreaded 2
week wait, you can easily get overwhelmed with all of the different
medications, different time lines, and different things to worry about.
“If only there was a place to keep all of this stuff straight” the nervous
couple says after leaving the IVF clinic with a box full of syringes and
equally daunting list of instructions. Well hypothetical couple, your
wish is our command … or actually it is Stephanie Fry’s command. She has
introduced a tool called “The IVF Journal” that is sure to help anyone going
through IVF to keep their head on straight, or as straight as can be
expected-come on, it is IVF after all! And you know what is the best
part, Stephanie has been gracious enough to give us one to give away. We love to give free fert-stuff to our readers!!! But, you have to keep reading to get the details for that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, what is “The IVF Journal?” Something Candace and I
used a previous version of during our last 2 IVF transfers. This version
though, the one we are giving away, is the next edition. In this journal,
there is a ton of information for each step of the process and lots of
advice. The journal is split into 7 different sections each focused on a
different aspect of IVF in rough chronological order. It is great because
it really helped Candace and I chop down this crazy world of IVF into nearly
bite-sized pieces. For example, when you are in your stimulation phase,
your doctor probably has talked to you about what medications you will be
taking all the way from stimulation to trigger to post-implantation. It’s
a lot to digest, think 24 hour marathon at Golden Corral. That is where
the IVF journal can be so helpful. In each section, there are places to
record what medications you will be taking at what phase and tracking sheets for
you to record when you took your medication and how much you took. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If IVF is anything, it is all consuming. It impacts
your health, obviously, your lifestyle, your finances, and your mindset.
Stephanie does a great job of preparing you for all of these influences through
the different sections of “The IVF Journal.” For finances, there are
worksheets to record your insurance information, track your IVF costs, and even
determine if you qualify for any tax deductions. Hooray for that right?!
IVF is costly enough to adversely impact your taxable income. Well, at
least Stephanie has made it easy to see if you can take advantage of this
cost. There are sections to track your mood, your support system, even
alternative practices to help retain your emotional center. Yep, I think
Stephanie has covered everything, almost… I didn’t see a section for guys to
track the days each week they come home in fear of what emotional wreckage the
hormones have done to their formerly happy home. For me, it was about 8 days
a week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Got your attention yet? Will this book be everything
you need? Nope. Will it help you keep the bajillion things that will go
on during your journey through the treacherous land of IVF straight? Yep.
This book won’t make you a millionaire, won’t help you with your hording, and
definitely will do nothing to instruct you on changing a water pump on a 1989
Pontiac Bonneville (inside joke). It will enable you to maintain your
sanity, collect your thoughts, and prevent the #1 that I hate seeing in other
couples … allowing fertility issues to drive wedges in what were great
relationships. You and your partnered entered into this scary world hand
in hand. This journal will help you leave it the same way, if not
stronger. So, how do you get this handy guide/journal? Well, you
can order it from several different places, but Amazon seems to be the most
familiar one so here is the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1578264928" target="_blank">link</a>.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wait a minute Chris! You said there was a
give-away! Clever bunch here huh? Alright, so, as you know, with
any give away, we always make you do something. Want this journal … here
is what you do. Go to their <a href="http://www.theivfjournal.com/" target="_blank">website</a> and tell us how
many people are under the sheet in the picture. The way to get your
answer out is to follow both us and Stephanie on Twitter (@rmisconception and
@theIVFjournal). Send your answer along with #ivfjournalgiveaway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Please check out Stephanie’s <a href="http://ivfjournal.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">blog </a> and
don’t despair if you don’t win the giveaway, in addition to the Amazon site,
you can purchase her journal at <a href="http://www.randomhouse.com/book/234172/the-ivf-in-vitro-fertilization-journal-by-stephanie-fry#aboutthebook" target="_blank">Random House </a> and <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-ivf-journal-stephanie-fry/1117737000?ean=9781578264926&itm=1&usri=9781578264926)" target="_blank">Barnes and Noble</a> websites as well. </span><br />
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<i>HEY YOU! Yes you!</i><br />
<i><br /></i><i> If you like our blog, how about showing us some serious bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on <a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" target="_blank">Pinterest</a>! </i><br />
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-51432754059272984742014-05-14T08:43:00.001-04:002014-05-15T08:31:35.419-04:00Got Milk? Inducing Lactation<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPUmuNrcT4bG4U8IUPi0c1lTxTCZ147CD_xHzqBeSx8UXh0R27_0LQUixe1f8alXL-Gip7OV0ZRSQLDx64SmLMjgLbWTq91sSMFG95Ypg1lqjYUG39vW3YdjEQwukAJz2JaVnO-DUzM-P/s1600/milk2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQPUmuNrcT4bG4U8IUPi0c1lTxTCZ147CD_xHzqBeSx8UXh0R27_0LQUixe1f8alXL-Gip7OV0ZRSQLDx64SmLMjgLbWTq91sSMFG95Ypg1lqjYUG39vW3YdjEQwukAJz2JaVnO-DUzM-P/s1600/milk2.jpg" height="125" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">GOT MILK? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I do… well kinda. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The last post was all about men’s danglely bits. This one will
be all about the female top heavy danglely bits. Or in other words breasts,
boobs, knockers, flapjacks, big boppers, tatas or whatever endearing term you
prefer. Feel free to throw out more creative suggestions in the comment section
below. I would love to hear what you come up with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I have received some very interesting looks, comments and
reactions lately. We all know that “Jellybean” is a super special surro
in-utero baby. (Try saying that 3x fast!) So allow me to point out the obvious
infertility elephant in the womb here, I am un-pregnant. Even though I will not
birth her, I will be able to breastfeed. Record player scratches, room quiets,
crickets start cricketing… it is called induced lactation. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was in shock too when I found out I may physically be
able to breast feed. So imagine those outside reactions I got. This is actually
not that foreign of a concept in the adoptive and surrogacy inner circles. With
the rising awareness and social re-acceptance of breastfeeding it just seems to
be what is breast (haha get it?) for your baby. Now, it is not for
everyone. It is a lot of work and dedication. I have very personal reasons for
wanting to induce lactation. My body has failed my baby, but damnit the top
half works (I think) so at the least I can provide her with the second most
instinctual mother-body function I have left to offer which is breastfeeding. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is a long process and there are many different protocols
and schools of thought. I will spare you the details and just send you to the
two articles I wrote for <a href="http://adoption.net/">Adoption.net</a> specifically on that topic if you want to know more on
overall general induced lactation 101. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.adoption.net/adoptive-parents/blog/why-adoptive-parents-should-consider-breastfeeding?vnc=I_NaDLtAHg5qsPbxUkdnGIGNsyKX7i_LGx7iiUJhvWU&vnp=2" target="_blank">Why You Should Induce Lactation </a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.adoption.net/adoptive-parents/blog/how-to-induce-lactation-for-adoptive-mothers-in-3-steps?vnc=I_NaDLtAHg5qsPbxUkdnGIGNsyKX7i_LGx7iiUJhvWU&vnp=1" target="_blank">How to Induce Lactation in 3 Steps</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I started the process about 6 weeks ago. Yep, like said it
takes a while. I called my insurance company told them our very unique
situation and they sent me an <a href="http://www.ameda.com/breastfeeding-products" target="_blank">Ameda Purely Yours</a> double pump, I later
graduated to the Ameda hospital grade <a href="http://www.ameda.com/breastfeeding-products" target="_blank">Platinum</a> pump; hospital grade is the most recommended by lactation consultants. For the first 2 weeks I
would pump 3 times a day and take a cocktail of herbs which were: Fenugreek,
Mothers Milk tea, brewers yeast and a prenatals. Consider this the "priming" stage, your just gearing up your ladies for battle. One point I should share.
For two weeks I walked around smelling like an IHOP pancake doused in maple
syrup. Fenugreek makes your sweat smell like maple syrup. Basically, I was
hungry and disgusted all at the same time. Second point, brewer’s yeast
should come with a warning label: “This product tastes like bar mop ass.” There
are only two other things I have had in my life that is worse. Sea urchin and
eel, brewers yeast takes the #3 spot. I then met with my local LLL (<a href="http://www.llli.org/" target="_blank">La Leche League</a>) </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">and they kindly steered me in the direction of a vitamin
blend called </span><a href="http://www.motherlove.com/product/5901-More-Milk-Special-Blend-Capsules.html" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">Mother’s Love Special Blend </a> <span style="font-family: inherit;">which basically had everything I needed in it. The pill does
look like black tar heroin or some inconspicuous substance but at least I no
longer smell like a pancake. At week 3 I started <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domperidone" target="_blank">Domperidone</a>. This drugs
intended use is for gastrointestinal issues but the main side affect is
lactation! It is also proven to be more affective and have less side effects
than Reglan, which is another medication to induce lactation?</span><a href="http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/domperidone_reglan.shtml" style="font-family: inherit;" target="_blank"> Reglan</a><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">is known to have side effects such as depression and it
crosses the blood brain barrier, hence why I opted for Domperidone. So each week
of the protocol the pumping increases from 3 times daily to 6 times and now to
8 times. Basically, I am married to my pump “Larry” as I like to call him, and
it is like a scene from National Geographic at our house.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFfFkty38TRnh73DSHJWIsgLbnqYQlSCy-SL9rSbbqHTqRD3MINnTIcyTCQuoBeG-1zDIpnqFlL2coD_dSNIYx4F77OxwGMbndbuxYnlYxT91mx1Hk1UgBKXnOHgSfxxfvIQEUGKPGZxKs/s1600/Milk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFfFkty38TRnh73DSHJWIsgLbnqYQlSCy-SL9rSbbqHTqRD3MINnTIcyTCQuoBeG-1zDIpnqFlL2coD_dSNIYx4F77OxwGMbndbuxYnlYxT91mx1Hk1UgBKXnOHgSfxxfvIQEUGKPGZxKs/s1600/Milk.jpg" height="200" width="128" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">You know what though? I have milk! It is really not much. Boobs-Milky-Magee fertile mom may laugh in hysterics about how much I produce, but
come on, I am not physically pregnant and I may be able to breastfeed. It is
only about an ounce a day currently but that is more than I had a week ago and
more than I had the week prior to that. Now, I am not naive enough to think that I
will be able to fully support our baby on my rinky-dink supply so I will likely have
to supplement. For now, I will sit back and revel in the fact that I have
defied Mother Nature yet again. 2 Points Candace, O Points Mother Nature.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For more scholarly information on this, my dear thoughtful
friend sent me a book called “<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Breastfeeding-Without-Birthing-Surrogacy-Circumstances/dp/193980700X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1400013138&sr=1-1&keywords=breastfeeding+without+birthing" target="_blank">Breastfeeding Without Birthing</a>” by Alyssa
Schnell. It has truly been the breast resource for me.</span></div>
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<i><span style="text-align: justify;">HEY YOU! Yes you!</span></i><br />
<i><span style="text-align: justify;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="text-align: justify;"> If you like our blog, how about showing us some serious bloglovin' and follow us? You can subscribe to our blog via email and can receive our posts as soon as we click send! (See right sidebar for how to sign-up) If you REALLY like us, we are also on </span><a href="https://twitter.com/rmisconception" style="text-align: justify;" target="_blank">Twitter</a><span style="text-align: justify;">, </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/our.misconception" style="text-align: justify;" target="_blank">Facebook</a><span style="text-align: justify;"> and </span><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/candito7" style="text-align: justify;" target="_blank">Pinterest</a><span style="text-align: justify;">!</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span></i><br />
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8361187431293443941.post-87250053536203947012014-05-05T07:00:00.000-04:002014-05-05T07:00:16.092-04:00A Give-Away for Your Balls!<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Well folks, it has been a long
time coming. But finally, after nearly 2
years of blogging, we will finally have a blog about man-junk … but it is for a
very good reason, and there is a give-away.
(Want to have some fun, see how many synonyms for testicles I use in
this post)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Imagine this scenario: you, and a
very close friend of yours are carrying very precious cargo. So precious in fact, that the continuation of
your species depends on its safe delivery.
The only problem, you and your buddy are hitching a ride on a terribly
inconsiderate transport vehicle. It
constantly hits potholes, bashes you all around, stretches and smashes you this
way and that, and worst of all, you are locked in your cabin with terrible air
conditioning. As you try your damnedest
to keep your precious cargo safe, you lose a bit here and a little there and
when the temperature goes up, your cargo starts vanishing right before your
eyes. Bottom line, it sucks being you
and all the odds are stacked against any of your cargo making it to the
destination safely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Such is the life of a
testis. Yep, these little danglin’
fellas really have a tough job. Besides
getting jabbed in a most unfriendly game we played called “Open Nuts,” our poor
testes have to deal with everything we do while doing their best to adapt so
they can continue their ever important task of making man-nectar, a.k.a.
sperm. That is why we have “shrinkage”
in a Spring-time swimming pool and knee-knockers after playing basketball in the
August heat. That is our furry friends
trying to regulate their temperature.
Although there are many different things us gents can do to improve our
fertility and supplements we can take to directly address our sperm count,
motility, and morphology (more on that in a later post); there has not
historically been much we could do about maintaining happy crotch temperatures
until now. Key the music, dim the
lights, <a href="http://www.snowballsunderwear.com/" target="_blank">Snowballs </a>are on the scene.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHrlYCnc05zMMGpG4ATBjvNGVT7geLEXBX67OG7ajiiz6EU5-A3OgYJ4009k0GFhTbuzgss9Xv8Sw8QuXVEgjZ6j1slN_h1ErJD5jJfU9anqghxnp6eSMeGRgkmxMzZ32eMreFUMsLBup5/s1600/snowballs_07.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHrlYCnc05zMMGpG4ATBjvNGVT7geLEXBX67OG7ajiiz6EU5-A3OgYJ4009k0GFhTbuzgss9Xv8Sw8QuXVEgjZ6j1slN_h1ErJD5jJfU9anqghxnp6eSMeGRgkmxMzZ32eMreFUMsLBup5/s1600/snowballs_07.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It turns out that, although being
exceptionally embarrassing, our shrinkage from cold temps is not nearly as
detrimental as heat can be on sperm number and quality. And it’s not just heat from blasting your
quads in the gym or showing off your mean backhand on the tennis court. Laptops can increase your nut-roasting
potential by several degrees. Tight
pants (check out this totally unrelated skit from the Late Show with Jimmy
Fallon, can lead to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv7Ts4v5_Bs" target="_blank">hot nuts</a>.) One of the more
common causes of boiled man-eggs though is varicoceles, or varicose veins in
your family jewels. These are dilated
veins that increase the volume of blood in your boys and can even allow blood
to linger a bit. Result, poached
juevos. According to the creators of
Snowballs awesome video, 40% of fertility issues is due to male infertility
with many of these fine chaps exhibited elevated testicular temperature. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Luckily, there is something you
can do to directly address this and Snowballs is here to help. Ice those hairy kiwis! Seriously, if you can schedule as much as 2
hours of ball icing a day, you can significantly improve the quality of your
man honey. But, and I don’t know if you
are the same way, the idea of shoving ice down my pants is not an appealing
one, unless I want to show off male incontinence symptoms. And, having consulted with my happy danglers,
they were not interested in the incredible temperature change of putting ice
directly on them. That is what is great
about Snowballs. They are designed to
make this as comfortable and achievable as possible. Snowballs briefs are made from organic,
breathable fabric and they have a special pouch in the front to put in the
anatomically designed SnowWedge. The
SnowWedge provides hanging twin cooling for 30 minutes and can be frozen and
ready to go again in as little as 2 hours.
SnowWedges were designed to maximize contact area to both let you
benefit from the cooling awesomeness to the fullest but also to spread the
effect over the greatest area. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So, after talking about my balls,
your balls, and Snowballs so much, what about the give-away. The creators of Snowballs have donated one
Snowballs fertility pack, size Large, for us to give away. It includes 2 pairs of briefs, 3 SnowWedges,
and an awesome male fertility info guide called “A Gentlemen’s Guide to
Cooling.” Want it … all you have to do
is the following:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Follow the Snowballs’ creators twitter @procreativity1
and ours @</span>rmisconception</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Answer
this question in a tweet: What is the title of the soup recipe on the Snowballs
website under the tab “Snow School?”</span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Hint, their website is: </span><a href="http://www.snowballsunderwear.com/" style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">www.snowballsunderwear.com</a><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">.</span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 7pt; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;">Tweet
your answer with: @procreativity1 @</span>rmisconception<span style="font-family: inherit; text-indent: -0.25in;"> #</span>sendmethoseSnowballs</li>
</ul>
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See their Video Here:</div>
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<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/vESUew1TfOE" width="560"></iframe>
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Chris and Candacehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01424332697864950417noreply@blogger.com0